Creating Boundaries
When it comes to the people in your life, do you find it difficult to create solid boundaries or do you find yourself agreeing or committing to requests that complicate your life?
What about people who make you uncomfortable in your own home? How do you alert them that you would rather they not visit or call you?
I’ve always been much better with the written word than a face-to-face or phone conversation. Recently I found myself in just such a position. I had to alert a relative who makes me feel so uncomfortable that I would rather she not visit or call me – but rather if she had a message to relay, she could call my husbands cell phone and get word to us that way.
I’d made my request four different times in writing. Three times directly to her and once through a friend of the family. Those methods didn’t seem to work.
I’d been back into a corner and had no other option but to call. Thankfully I got the answering machine and was able to leave the message – but not without a quivering voice.
Isn’t it terrible that people can make you feel so horrible? And what I don’t understand is why they would want to to begin with.
I’m hoping the book Boundaries will help give me a more clear method to use – because apparently I’m going about this all wrong.
That sounds very uncomfortable, Gayla. Some people like drama, they like stirring things up and putting folks on the defensive. Maybe this family member is like that? I agree that it is horrible.
My daughter’s boyfriend has a family member like that. He loves her, but every interaction with her leaves him upset. It’s so unfortunate and unnecessary, but it’s their usual pattern of behavior.
I’m going to look for that book. Thanks for mentioning it.
Gayla,
Boundaries is an excellent book. I read it and passed it on to my Mom. I hope it can help you as much as it helped us.
I’m getting anxious to get to it. I’ve heard even more great things since buying it. Thanks for the input Katelyn.
Michelle, whether we are right or wrong in the boundaries we wish to create – I think it’s important to know how to create them and to have them respected.
I heard of another that had to do with neighbors and fences, but I can’t for the life of me remember what the name of it was.
Someone recently recommended this book to me as well. I haven’t bought it yet because I have about 15 other self-help books that I’m reading right now.
This happens to me a lot though. My counselor says I’m co-dependent/adult child of alcoholic mother. So, making waves has never been my strong suit. But I’m so tired of feeling run over. In one breath, it is my own fault because I don’t stand up to people. You, at least, have seemed to try. In another though, I really don’t know how.
I hope you do a little review of the book. I’d be interested to hear what you think.