Date Night Expectations and Ground Rules

Who doesn’t love date night? Dedicated, intimate alone time with your partner – where you guys can take a minute to really appreciate each other. At least…that’s the goal. But sometimes, after all the hoopla of dating and early relationship romance has settled into the groove of a happy marriage…you can forget how important it is to really be in the moment and appreciate these occasions.

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Paul and I have had our fair share of moments where one of us oversteps the bounds of ‘comfortable’ on date nights. It’s easy to take what works so well for granted. And when things are going just right, all it takes is a brief minute of insensitivity to wreck the mood.

So…here is how to keep that from happening.

Stay in the moment (duh). This one is pretty straightforward. But it can be the hardest thing to remember when things are easy and going well. That person sitting next to you? That’s your person. Your partner. Give him/her the respect and attention they deserve by making them number one.

Put the blackberry/phone/iphone away. I didn’t have a blackberry until a couple of years ago, so I really didn’t understand the allure of it all…but now I can be just as guilty of putting my blackberry on the table and glancing at it throughout the meal without giving things a second thought. This goes back to point number one. Why waste your time waiting for a text message when you have a loving person sitting across from you? Turn it off, or at the very least put it on silent.

Make mental notes. Even if you find golf super boring, if that’s what he loves…figure out how to love that about him. Or love the fact that you guys are so different on this subject.  You would get upset if he didn’t pay attention to your ten minute ramble about the new lipgloss you tried out last week, so understand that even if you haven’t the faintest idea who is leading what tournament at any given time, you should care enough to pay attention.

Plan accordingly. Don’t plan a date night when you’re super crazy busy and distracted. This is just asking for trouble. If you are going to make the time to be with your spouse and be in the moment, you need to know where your head is at. If you can’t make that commitment, you are better off being honest and upfront. He will (or should) understand – just as you should do the same when he’s stressing out and needs a night of distraction and fun (the word ‘date’ isn’t allowed!) instead.