Dating and Dodging Bullets
February 21, 2009 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
I was emailing with a guy at Plenty of Fish, I mentioned him last week, the one who is not divorced, but separated. I was out of town, visiting family for the weekend and I took a break from chatting with him. While I was away, he went on a date with a lady and he emailed me Wednesday night to say that he was no longer on the market. He said that he wasn’t a “player” or something along those lines.
I appreciated the email – it’s preferable to being blown off – but today I started thinking about it again. I sometimes over analyze things, but I’ve also been known to jump into something when I should take my time. I was just in a very serious relationship and I’m not looking for something like that right now. I’d like to meet a nice guy for dinner, movies, hikes – fun stuff. I want to take my time getting to know someone.
This man, he is separated and getting serious about someone that he only met a few days ago. This gives the impression that he is someone who does not like to be alone. That may appeal to some people, but not to me. I’m pretty independent. Or maybe I’m not ready yet and I’m making excuses.
What do you think? Does a man who isn’t even divorced yet, but decides to get serious about someone after only a few days set off any warning bells for you? Is it possible that I dodged a bullet by going out of town to visit my family, rather than dating this guy?
Did he ask you out? If he is getting that serious that quick then I would have to agree w/you that he is the type of person that can not be alone. I do not think you are dodging bullets so to speak but rather taking your time. If he could not deal with you being gone for a week then I saw NEXT!
I don’t think that it was that he couldn’t handle my being gone for a week. I just don’t want to jump into something serious again. I did that with Steve and it made it hard for me to be objective about things. I want to take my time and take on what I can when I can. A man who isn’t even divorced yet, but is serious and exclusive with someone he met a few days before, that’s the sort of instant relationship that I’m looking to avoid. I’m looking for long term happiness, not a big spark and burn out.
Does that make sense?
I’m with you, Michelle, this guy doesn’t like to be alone. And that is a big red flag for me. I am interested in a serious relationship, but even then, I need my alone time. I need my independence. I think you dodged a bullet indeed.
Heather, you have such a high-stress job, that I’m sure you need some alone down-time.
I think that when I run into trouble is when I give too much of that independence up. I can mesh, but I’m never going to be able to just give myself and my heart over to someone again.
Red Flag! I am waving it over here. Can you see it? It’s huge with letters that spell I-D-I-O-T. He is so fickle. He is probably the type of guy who will always be look for something new. Always trying to upgrade. Run girl. Run!
I think you did dodge a bullet and saved yourself a lot of time, if the guys is not even divorced he might have kept his “options” open , if you know what I mean. On a second thought what do you expect to find on plenty of fish ?