David Duchovny sex addiction did not result in an affair… riiiiiight…
September 4, 2008 by Lara Kulpa
Filed under Relationships
“X Files” star David Duchovny’s announcement that was he was in rehab for sex addiction sparked a lot of rumors. One of them was that he’d been caught having an affair with his tennis instructor (a woman) and that he was undergoing rehab to save his marriage. – FOX
Supposedly, wife Tea Leoni was well aware of hubby’s sex addiction for a long time. Of course, there are reps and such who are swearing up and down that this self-admittance to a sex rehab facility was not because Duchovny took his addiction too far, but rather because it’s more like a “porn addiction” much like gambling or shopping addictions. Mmhmm okay.
Maybe so, but why the hell would anyone put up with this kind of thing, “knowing for a long time”? I think my ex was addicted to internet porn, only because I caught him lying to me about it quite often. I also sat there while he listened to his bank charges on speakerphone, and “oops” one let slip through that he was confused about, so we went and looked it up. He supposedly canceled it, but I’m not sure.
It actually affected our sex life, and yes, he cheated on me with his ex for over a month. Internet porn addictions don’t stop with just one or two visits a week. There was the time I got to the house earlier than he’d expected, and since I had a key, I let myself in, and he came rushing to the door all red-faced and flustered with quite the telltale spot on his shirt. I remember times I’d be in the kitchen cooking dinner and he’d be on the computer watching porn. It really sickened me, to be honest. I’d much rather he’d have popped into the kitchen and gotten a little frisky right there with me than be yankin’ it in the other room as if I wasn’t even there, you know?
I don’t even have a problem with watching movies with your honey. But when your honey’s in the other room and you’d rather be watching something vile and demeaning on the computer… there are big problems. And no, that doesn’t mean it’s the woman’s fault, or that there are problems in the relationship. It means that the dude’s got issues and they need addressing long before “quite some time”.
I’m sorry, but do you really expect me to believe that an alcoholic can be in a bar and not want a drink? Can you really believe that a crack addict would have a rock handed to him and he’d not smoke it? And is it really safe to assume that a gambling addict, if handed $1000 cash outside a casino, would NOT go in and blow it?
When this first came out, I read an article about sex addiction because I was uncertain exactly what it meant. Some professionals feel it’s a narcissistic problem and others believe it stems from bipolar disorder (part of the manic phase). The compulsion to find release goes beyond anything that we could probably understand – it doesn’t make sense, like your boyfriend doing his thing in the other room while you were right there. The sex addict will masturbate until their skin is raw and bleeding. That is definitely un-sexy.
I was married to a man who was an addict of a different sort (drugs) and I have a friend who is married to a gambling addict. Addicts, they grow quite selfish, they chose their addiction over anything and everything. They willingly hurt family, friends, jobs, whatever. I wonder what starts the addiction? Do they dabble in it (drugs, gambling, porn, sex, alcohol) or is that compulsion always there?
I also wonder if a sex addiction has a different stigma than say alcohol addiction? Better a drunk than a pervert? I wonder is he brave for letting this come out or is it all actually much worse and this is the PR’ed cleaned-up version of the mess he found himself in? Can an sex addict stop himself at porn and not have sex with other people? The article I read said that addicts might have sex with anybody – male or female – in an attempt to feed that compulsion. I doubt his wife truly knows exactly how far this may have gone. I am so incredibly glad not to be Tea Leoni right now.
Whatever the story is, it’s very sad and is going to affect the way that people see David Duchovny from now on.
Interesting post, Lara. I’m very glad that you are no longer with your ex. It sounds like loving him was extremely painful.
Thanks, Michelle. I’m glad too. And you hit the nail on the head… the entire relationship was very hard on me, and things like this really didn’t help.
It’s hard to take note of the selfishness and disregard of someone you really did find yourself in love with. He was a class A manipulator, and I was a class A fool. Fortunately I didn’t let it get to the point where the pain got permanent, and I only wish that other women out there could find that strength within themselves.
I have been the fool for 2years…I was dating a brillant(genuis) guy went to ivy league college..charming..first impressions everyone loved him…However, he had a DARK DARK secret was adopted,abused as a kid..as a result he can’t date most women more than 6mos,internet porn,escorts,cuts on pics of women,fantasies about transvestites raging alcoholic……My life was a NIGHTMARE he wan’t officially diagnosed but I researched it sounds like bipolar….no affection to me at all..IT was GReat than after 6mos deadline it was like someone hit a switch..out of blue get a text message for me to keep my options open other men..doesnt care if I sleep with other men when we date..Never did how odd…………..I did EVERYTHING for him and it wasn’t enough…became very BORED never wanted to have sex with me…He must of went of 20 different porn sites a day…..caught him masturbating several times to internet porn..so much he was raw in areas…it was a NIGHTMARE…Although, I had to breakup with him and put me through hell my heart goes out to people that have such mental issues……….
Foolish exgirlfriend Jan