Day One of A New Outlook

Today was day one of a new outlook. I’ve been feeling sort of stuck and unorganized. I’ve been winging it. Winging it works for awhile, but it’s no way to run a life long-term. I have big plans for the future and they all require me to find some balance and harmony.

I want to move my boyfriend into my life permanently. That means I need to clear some space for him. Some of this is physical space – he’s got stuff, too, after all – but some of it is mental space. I won’t be the sole decision maker. I won’t be in charge anymore. I’ll have a partner. I love the idea of a partner, but letting go of some of the control, that is going to be a little harder.

I’ve been on my own for so long. I’ve been a single mom for 17 years. That is a long time. I need to remember that he’s an adult, too. He’s been doing things his way for a good many years. We are going to have to mesh our styles, our plans.

I trust him, he’s a smart man and he cares about me and my family, so I have faith in him. It’s myself that I’m worried about. I don’t want to lose myself in my relationship, because it’s happened before. When I was married, with my last relationship, I stopped being me and started being what I thought I was supposed to be. This time I want to be me.  I want to be a better me, maybe, more patient, more relaxed, but I don’t want to always feel that I’m holding back.

I want this relationship to last for the rest of my life. I want to be the best partner that I can be and that’s going to take a little bit of work.

So, anyway, that’s step one. I’m also working on diet and exercise and ……..well a whole new improved me. I’m pretty excited.

Image credit: Michelle Smith