Death of the “Supermom”?
August 13, 2008 by Cherie Burbach
Filed under Parenting
I caught an interesting article the other day regarding a study from the University of Cambridge that said “most Britons believe that family life suffers if women work, prompting headlines about the death of ‘Supermum’.”
Ooooh… that word…. “supermom.” It makes me cringe. Because WHY does it always seem to be the women that deal with this issue? You don’t hear of many dads that are called “superfathers.” (And I know you’re out there guys so please do speak up – we need your opinions on this as well.)
In the article, women chat about daycare, working, and how they made the decision to either stay home or work. I don’t think this is an easy decision for anyone. Several of the women say they worked out the idea of who was going to stay home with the kids before they even got married.
I think this article helps prove that perhaps more than anything it’s the “supermom” title that’s been beaten to death. Moms are just trying to do the best for their kids and family, regardless of where they end up. The answer is simple – there isn’t one clear cut decision you can make as a parent about staying home or going to work. Everyone does the best they can, and whatever their decision, it’s the best for their own family. We can’t as outsiders look at someone else and judge the situation.
What are your thoughts on this title of “supermom“?
I think of “Supermom” as a mom who has nutritious meals on the table, never loses her temper with her children, keeps her figure, manages the family calendar efficiently, oversees homework so her children are well-prepared for school, keeps her house clean (having trained the children to help from an early age because chores are good for them), all whether she works outside the home or not. In other word, she’s not dead, because she’s completely fictional.
Bluegrass Mama: Excellent comment! Exactly.
I am not fictional.
I stayed at home with my four kids when they were young, then gave into the pressure to work outside the home when my youngest entered gradeschool. With that many kids to feed and clothe, hubby needed help with the myriad of bills and still does. My youngest is in HS now and I am still scrambling for work, this time at home, doing freelance designing. Working at home is great if you are organized enough!
As for the supermom bit, I dunno if I’ll ever attain that status, but my kids say that I’m awesome, their friends say I’m one of the rare cool moms…to me that means more than anything!
I like bringing in paychecks to help pay for things the kids and I need, even if they are smaller than hubby’s checks…they boost things anyway.
Just being here while working is the best of both worlds, often times hectic but it’s good to have adult supervision when the kids are home!
My youngest is great at helping with things, both her and her brother love to run errands for me and love to cook now, do comparison shopping, etc. I think I taught them well by example!
Okay, I’m rambling but am so proud of them!
Ima: Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you are indeed a supermom. I think what people are realizing is that the definition of that word is different for every mom and every family.
In my opinion, supermoms do exactly what you do. They do all they can to make the family run smoothly.
I think that all households are different. Are you a super mom if your house is spotless and the table has food, but friends are never allowed over to hang out? My house isn’t spotless, sometimes not even clean. It depends on our time limits. My kids are in sports and band, and someone told me that it’s really great how much we go to things for our kids. They do appreciate it, but the dinner was a sandwich made really quick. So, I think there are standards, and rules, and ways to make things work. I work, but not because I gave in to pressures, but because I like my work. I played in the yard with my kids when I came home instead of vacuuming, because I liked playing better, but my house is messy. I canned food in jars because I enjoy growing and canning foods, but I never make my bed, because my husband never makes his side either. I just straighten it out before I get back in. I always thought my daughter’s friend’s mother was super mom because she had a spotless home. They were walking around my yard and we were talking about herbs. Her husband was making fun of her because she never cooks. I made all the food for the party and when it came to the mozzarella, she said if you tell me you make that, I’m going to throw up. I think she thought the same about me – maybe we’re all supermoms in our own way.
dh: You bring up a good point. I think women sometimes think the mom next door is doing “a better job” because their house looks a certain way or their have an outward appearance that’s really pulled together.
The one thing women need to be really good about is communicating, like you and your neighbor, because it cuts through these impossible standards women set for themselves.
I’m learning this too. If your family is happy that’s what is important.