Discipline For “Dumb Mistakes Kids Make”
Monday on Dr. Phil (yes, I admit it..I’m a closet Dr. Phil fan), Dr. Phil talked to a thirteen-year-old girl who was the victim of a prank by two fellow members of her cheer squad. Two girls she thought were her friends. During a sleepover, the two girls took a picture of thirteen-year-old, Kailey, while she was showering and then sent the picture to a member of the football team. The picture eventually made it’s way through the entire school. I don’t think I need to tell you how devastating that is to a thirteen-year-old.
The two girls were suspended from school for three days and because of the suspension were kicked off the cheer squad. However, their families sought legal help to get the girls back on the team and their suspension expunged from their record. I was just flabbergasted to hear that. They not only distributed pornography through the school, but they victimized a member of their team. To me that means they gave up their right to be a member of that team.
I was also shocked by the fathers of the two girls who pulled the prank. The father of the girl who distracted Kailey while the pictures was taken said, “It was just one of those dumb mistakes kids make. I’m at peace with myself that my daughter got disciplined through the school.” That sounds like he didn’t even punish her at home. She basically got three free days off of school and that’s good enough for him. How is that teaching her the consequences of her actions? I would be so furious my child did something like that. There would be grounding, privileges taken away, community service or maybe all three. I would be very clear that this was a despicable act and there is a big punishment.
But that’s calm compared to the father of the girl who took the picture. He created a website in defense of his daughter. On his site he said, “This site has been established to protect and defend the honor, integrity and dignity of two very brave young girls who, in the wake of insurmountable odds, did the right thing.” Apparently by “did the right thing” he means they told the truth about their part in this prank. However, I don’t think that’s bravery. It doesn’t take a lot of courage to admit your wrongdoings when you’ve already been caught.
I’m all about supporting your kids. They need you to be their support system, especially when they do something that is clearly wrong. But defending them is a little over the top. Not punishing them is not helping them. When they are 18 they will face the consequences of such actions. Wouldn’t it make more sense to teach them it’s wrong now where the punishment is grounding rather than allowing them to continue these behaviors and face jail time later?
In this digital age it is so hard to protect our privacy and to teach our children about the dangers of it all. With every child having a camera on their cellphone with instant access to the internet, lets just call it an accident waiting to happen.
The parents of the guilty should consider what they would do if it was their daughter that was plastered all over the internet.
A few years back when the internet was starting to find its way into middle school classrooms I taught the students where to find the “back” button on their browser. With the knowledge of how to use this one button I negated the possibility that anything inappropriate would show up on their screen (at least when I passed by).
Kids do make mistakes. Learning how to make choices and accept consequences evolves into becoming a more responsible person. As parents we are charged with showing are kids where the “back” button is as well as helping them to learn what it means to be responsible.
The story you shared Char is one heard all too often I’m afraid. I appreciate you bringing it hear to start a discussion.
Your post inspired this one: Boy Spits on Referee: http://www.thinking-forward.com/2008/01/boy-spits-on-re.html
Wow, Christine, what a story! I couldn’t even begin to categorize a prank like that as a “dumb mistake”. Let’s try deliberate, cruel, premeditated nastiness. Poor girl.
The reaction of those girls’ parents is disgusting. If my daughter did something I like that I would be mortified and she would be in a heap of trouble. I guess the kind of parents who would react that way are also the kind o parents who raise girls like that. I can’t believe that father is trying to make his daughter look like a victim.