Discouraged, Depressed, Sad, Lonely and Still Sober
June 30, 2008 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
My first thoughts subsequent to deciding on a title for this are…
For those profundity pushers who offer newcomers this phrase “do the right thing and the right thing will happen,” I want to say – for who? Because it is my experience that it is a matter of perspective whether this will hold true for you.
It might be that if you do the right thing, the right thing will happen – for someone else! The trap is coming to believe that if you do the right thing, the right thing will happen for you!
For ex., my biggest challenge personally – intimate relationships;
Attracted to a newcomer: the right thing is to leave the newcomer out of my personal world until the person has the opportunity to get and stay sober. You can be friends. I do the right thing and… no, that wasn’t meant to be. Okay, it’s okay…
Have a friend attempt a match-up with someone with long-term sober/clean time. Get silly, excited, even child-like. I do the right thing – maintain reasonable expectations, keep it in the day, stay in contact with HP, no forcing my will on anything. No matter, it wasn’t meant to be and I can’t say I’ll ever be happy with the way that ended. The lower power is a s******.
Again, have a friend attempt a match-up – this time with an “earthling” who is seemingly attracted in return. Shortest vision of all. Just a few days. Do the right thing, don’t get ahead of yourself, be a friend first, communicate. Once again, as if on cue, this wasn’t meant to be because I was simply an ends to a means i.e. had I been able to offer a ride on a motorcycle, this would have come to pass. Judged… and wrongly. The mistake? Misperceived the attraction.
There is not much more to these situations except to say that I put into effect lessons I had learned and did the right things. I suppose I developed an expectation that there might be a caring partner that H.P. thought I was worthy of. Not happening…
This is an example of my depression – and I’m still sober. Through anything, A.A. and my God, despite how I misunderstand Him, see to it that I don’t have to drink alcohol. What would that solve? Or – how much worse could I make life were I to pick up a drink? Not worth it…
well, I can’t say I completely undersatnd what you are saying
maybe I’ll have to get some long years of sobriety and be an old timer and then I can understand … is that it ?
Raj, when I was “you” I was taught baby steps.
One step, one day at a time. As each day unfolds and you don’t use or drink, go to meetings, meet with your sponsor, work the steps, CHANGE, you’ll gain a little better understanding.
The right thing will happen for us. It will just happen in God’s time and not our.
Relationships are tough. Work your program and hang in there. You are in my prayers.
Thanks friend
The hardest “right” thing for me to accept is my Higher Powers “right” thing. Accepting God’s will and not what I want or perceive as right. I struggle with this daily.
Thank you for the grist for the mill. I needed that.
“I suppose I developed an expectation that there might be a caring partner that H.P. thought I was worthy of. ”
Wow! That was brutally honest, and I totally respect your feelings and your courage to share them on your blog.
I only wish that you could see yourself through my eyes, if only for a minute.
You are a diamond, a precious gift.
Perhaps your HP is still working on a woman, a partner who is worthy of you and all the gifts you bring to the table.
Call me “green” but I believe the glass is half full.
luv ya,
s.
Thanks
New friends like you help make the world easier to take – which helps sobriety maintain its priority!
Oh, and, yeah, you’re still green lol…
Gotta tell ya’ – I have heard what you’ve said (thanks so much) at other times. It has been a very long time with only brief bright moments in between – and I’m coming to a depressed conclusion that God, in my case, is running out of time or simply has decided it isn’t supposed to happen.
Wow – I can’t go any further with that kiddo… sorry.
Here’s a concept: Maybe you didn’t do anything “wrong”. Maybe those women were not worthy of YOU!
I struggle with this too, being single is weird in middle age. But I have come to be OK with it. I am not going to sell out anymore to be “with” someone.
I really do tell myself that I am a “catch” and I truly believe that. Some guy some day might get lucky enough to spend some time with me, but till then, I am pretty darn happy by myself.
Hang in there and know that God loves you and is being kind and loving towards you even though it feels horrible.
Thanks MC!
I completely understand, I think.
Sobriety doesn’t mean that we are guranteed happiness or success.
This is the power of alchohol. It keeps coming at you and you can start thinking “whats the point”- am I really better off?
But, what I sometimes have to remember is that
1) just about every relationship started in a bar and ended badly
2) drinking kills – we lost a breather to death by suicide- but stick around the rooms and you will see death
3) a real and lasting relationship must be made in sobriety (See point 1).
I feel like my life is an infinite loop and I continue to repeat things and emotions from 15 years ago.
I keep a positive mental attitude as much as possible but frankly, I am wearing down.
any ideas, anyone?
One instant thought Anthony;
Find a newcomer and get to work with them on the Steps.