Do Parents Use Disorders As An Excuse?
I’ve seen it so many times. We will be playing at a park, shopping in a store or at a school function and we see a child who is being a complete brat. The mom will flush and say something like, “He has ADHD.” Oddly enough, that same child will be seen eating junk food for lunch and is known for the ability to quote whole episodes of Transformers. Hello? If the kid really does have ADHD, why isn’t he on a restricted diet? Why is he obviously consuming way too much television, known to worsen ADHD symptoms?
I know why and so do you. It is an out…a way for parents to justify the bad behavior and not have to put effort into parenting. Now, before you get hot under the collar and yell at me, know this: I do believe that ADD/ADHD and other common childhood disorders are real. My own son was diagnosed with ADHD, among other things. However, we do not use it an excuse to allow him to act out. He also knows that if he chooses to act out, that there will be consequences. Maybe not the same consequences that his siblings without ADHD are subject to, but one that is tailored to his need for patient, gentle discipline and a large amount of teaching/redirecting.
I think that the whole ADHD/ADD epidemic is getting out of control. Foods are being made for convenience and have terrible side effects on the body and mind. Television and video games are too easy to use as babysitters. Parents are becoming too involved in their own lives and look to convenient methods of controlling undesirable behavior (medication is one of the biggest tools that parents are currently seeking out.) In my opinion, it is being abused. If more parents of hyperactive, lethargic, or out of control children would put more effort into treating their children through diet, behavior modification techniques and supplements, instead of passing the buck and opting for convenience, their kids would be much better off in the long run. Sadly, I do not see this happening any time soon. In the end, it is the kids who suffer as they become adults and are unable to function in the real world, where acting uncontrollably leads to jail, chemical dependence or even premature death.
The answer? Stop making excuses and start getting more involved. What is your take on the issue?
You said it perfectly – I have nothing to add, I only want to agree with you 100%.
Oh, I agree totally. But that should not be a surprise
Kadi – I couldn’t agree with you more. We are a society that needs a diagnosis for everything. We are constantly labeling everyone with poor behavior, bad manners and a need to be lazy assed with some sort of syndrome.
This is exactly why I don’t buy it every time I hear someone say that’s the case.
Maybe I am unsympathetic, but I’m a big believer in making the best of what you have – pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and getting on with it.
But, I’m kinda a beeyotch that way
Absolutely!
I am tired of seeing over-medicated kids – at ages as young as 2 and 3. When my daughter had a tantrum in the park, I was asked if I had considered Ritalin… For what? She had a tantrum. She’ll be fine tomorrow.
And I’ll take it a step further… Autism is the new ADHD. I know moms who (without having their child tested, so this is NOT a slight against parents who actually have autistic children) will talk their way out of a child’s bad behavior by explaining that the child has “autistic tendencies” and they “should be tested.” The wait list at our local children’s hospitals (we have 2) for autism testing? 18 months. One of my closest friends is on the list. Two pediatricians have told her that the child is not autistic but my friend is seeking answers elsewhere because her child isn’t perfect. He steps out of line at tee ball. He cries when he doesn’t get his way. He doesn’t want to get off the swing when it’s time to the leave the park. In other words, he’s four.
I think it’s part of the new glossy age of parenting. We’re all supposed to have perfect kids. And when we don’t, we can’t believe that it has anything to do with us. But having a kid with a “disorder” – that makes us feel better because we can’t do anything about that…
It’s a shame – especially for parents who genuinely have to deal with children who have medical and emotional disorders. I have noticed that as the “epidemic” rises, folks are more likely to scoff at those who really do need help. Kind of a “crying wolf” mentality. And that is genuinely sad.
I think your take is spot on: stop making excuses.
While I agree that parents should not make excuses for their children’s behaviors, I find judging other parents equally disturbing.
There are some of us out there doing absolutely everything we possibly can for our children, yet they still fly off the handle. And at some point, as a parent, you want to stop being judged by all the other mommies out there who think they know best.
As for me, if I don’t think my kid is going to succeed in a park, I won’t take him. I won’t give him the opportunity to fail himself, another kid, or the unfortunate overly judgmental mother.