Do You Wait Or Do You Call?
January 12, 2009 by Darcie Vany
Filed under Relationships
There are so many rules to dating. Actually, there is a book about dating called “The Rules“. My very single friend bought it for me once as she believed it would be what saved us both from becoming spinsters. One of The Rules in the book was not to call the guy the day after the date…actually, if I remember correctly, The Rule was to never call the guy. The reasoning behind that Rule was that guys must never think that want them that badly. They say it’s a huge turnoff for guys to have someone so needy; that we should leave them wanting to call us.
Photo taken from Amazon.com
It’s pretty standard practice and a widely known rule that you should wait at least 2 days before calling a guy (or girl for that matter). I was discussing it with a friend (Sherry) this morning, and I decided that I hate this rule. Up until my conversation with her, I was a big “rule” follower. I would pretty much dump a guy if he called too quick. I would roll my eyes at his desperation.
Sherry recently met a guy who she really liked and really wanted to ask him out. (Note, The Rules says never to aska guy out). She had met him the night before, had his contact information, and really wanted to send him an e-mail. But she was concerned she was sending it too soon, so decided to wait another day. (Though she had the whole thing written and sent to me and her sister for approval).
Up until today, I would totally have told Sherry to wait another day, but then I thought about what I do when guys call too soon. Yes, I do sometimes get creeped out and think it’s just too much, but the times that I like a guy, I love it! I love not having to wait two days to find out if he’s going to call. I love not having to come up with excuses not to go to the locker room at the gym so that I can check my phone. I love knowing that yes, the guy is interested.
My advice to her (which she didn’t take) was to e-mail him then and there. If he was interested in her, he would respond. If he wasn’t, waiting an extra day to find out wouldn’t make a difference, it would only make her have to wait.
Do you think it matters when you call? Does it make a difference if the other person is interested anyway?
Don’t call. Not because it’s a huge turnoff to guys if you do, but because of this…I was having a conversation with a male friend today about a girl he was seeing, and he said this: “i already knew i wasn’t all that interested, so i was expending zero effort on it.”
You don’t call and make them call you to see if they will put in effort for you. Guys aren’t like us, if a girl calls them or asks them out, they’ll say yes and try to have sex with her if he’s into her or not, because it’s easy. You make them put in the effort to weed out the ones that are actually willing to put in the effort, because that’s the only kind of guy you’re going to get to be your boyfriend, to propose to you, to stick around. Otherwise you waste your time on guys willing to do what’s easy.
I always wait for them to call, to do a lot of the work in the beginning, simply because I am really hesitant when it comes to dating. Until we’ve gone on a few dates and I’m smitten, I’d just really rather not.
But I don’t see the harm in contacting them right away if you’re really interested. As you said, it lets the guy know you’re interested, and then you can find out fairly quickly if he’s interested in you without having days of anxiety, waiting to hear from him.
One of my friends reminds me of The Rules frequently. She knows someone who they worked really well for, but I think that can be said about a lot of different styles (or rules).
I agree with Michelle…there are many sets of “rules” that work. Each person is an individual, and each paid is individual…do what feels right, not what any rule says.
I think that if you really are into someone, or if they are really into you, they would be happy that you called sooner than later. If you/they are creeped out by it, then you’re not that into each other.
~ Kristi