Dying young.
A schoolmate of mine died over the weekend in a diving accident. Naturally, I intend to pay my respects. I was trying to decide what time to meet a friend so we could go together, when my daughter asked what I was talking about.
I said, “My friend just died. He’s in heaven now.” As expected, the rejoinder was, “Why did he die?” So I told her what had happened to my friend, and she was satisfied by my explanation.
Once upon a time, I was stressed at having to teach her about death and dying. It’s so hard for a toddler to understand how one can simply not exist anymore on this earth, when for her life is so full and rich with things to be discovered and experienced. They’re the last people to worry about mortality!
Pets, however, provided a solution for me. We have an aquarium at home and previously had hamsters, so when a pet died, I took the opportunity to teach her about why people and animals die, and what happens. Since we’re Christian, I taught her that we go to heaven when we die, and we will see our pet/relative/friend again when we are also in heaven. That’s not strictly correct, theologically-speaking, but it’ll do for a toddler whose notion of death is tempered by the idea of heaven as a wonderful place where one day you will be reunited with everything dear and near to you that is lost on earth.
How do you teach your kids about death?
We’re still talking about it. My mother-in-law died in January and because she’s so far away, we won’t observe her passing formally until July when we are in the right country.
I’ve told my 3 year-old that she has gone to live with God in heaven, but to my international kid, I am afraid that sounds like just another country and God just like another distant relative.
I fear he still expects that we’ll go the apartment and she will be there, which will be more upsetting for my husband than anyone else. I hope that by being part of the 6 month mark rituals, he will understand a little better.
We’re in it.
My grandparents have both died and my children understand that when you’re old you die. Fortunately both were past 90.
This weekend my fried will surely die. He’s 43.
My children know that AIDS kills and touching someone’s blood or puss can give it to you. I’ll talk to them about the sex part when they’re 10 or so.
I’m sad and they know I’m sad but I’m unafraid and I think teaching them to be unafraid and to visit the ill and to march on is very important.
I am sorry your friend is leaving you. My aunt is dying, and oddly enough, it’s not the HIV/AIDS that is killing her (her husband was a hemophiliac who had a bad blood transfusion) but lung cancer from smoking.