Eating disorders aren’t about eating

It’s hard to make people who have never experienced an eating disorder understand that these types of mental illnesses have little to do with eating. Sure, food and appearance are emphasized, but they aren’t the core of the problem.

So many folks (including some of my family members) simply assume that if those with eating disorders just “got a handle” on their eating habits all would be fine and dandy. But that’s not how it works.

For example, I do not withhold nourishment from my body anymore. I do not starve myself. Yet I can never totally allow myself to feel 100% “recovered” because the issues (that have nothing to do with eating, by the way) that led to my battles with anorexia definitely still affect me.

So if eating disorders aren’t generally about food, feeding oneself or looking great in a bikini, what are they about? For me, they’re an amalgamation of the following:

1. Desire for Control-I have a strong desire to be in control of everything in my life. But, as they say, “poopy” happens. When the unexpected occurs, my mind wants to be able to control something, anything… such as my food intake and my weight.

2. Growing up Hearing “Fat People” Had Little Worth-Every kid knows when their parents have little regard for heavier persons or children. Snide remarks made on a daily basis (followed by clucking tongues or rude jokes) send a strong message:  Fat People are Worthless.

3. Low Self-Esteem-It’s strange. When I was very young, I had great self-esteem, but then it tanked. I think what happened was that I started to get chubby in elementary school and consequently began to be treated by some family members as unattractive and sloppy. As I look back, I realize that I was overeating because there was tension in my household I didn’t understand. Thus, I gained pounds and it felt as though loved ones were ashamed me because of it.

4. Depression-Now, this could probably be considered a symptom of other issues, too. But I do think that having a predisposition to clinical depression makes one more susceptible to developing an eating disorder, especially if other triggers are in place.

I’m sure there were other reasons I used eating as a way to cope with feelings and experiences; however, I hope the above four illustrate just why weight and food have little to do with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia and ED-NOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified.)

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