Ex-Wives Club
June 23, 2007 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
Have you checked out this new show Ex-Wives Club on ABC? It has potential.
It’s hosted by Angie Everhart (ex of Ashley Hamilton), Shar Jackson (the pregnant girlfriend who got ditched by Kevin Federline and then had to watch his romance with Britney Spears in color – ouch), and Marla Maples (one of Donald Trump’s ex-wives).
The one I saw brought up several issues for me.
First, divorce is extraordinarily painful for everyone involved. Period. We gloss it over with the assumption that we all can move on, but the pain that comes through the show, even on the spouses that chose to leave, is palpable.
Second, they used this therapy where they repeated over and over the negative things their spouse told them about themselves. For instance, the woman’s husband had called her “a selfish, mean bitch” so the therapy was to repeat “I am a selfish, mean bitch” and have everyone else in the group repeat it, until it lost its emotional significance. This is a suspect therapy in my opinion. If you buy into the concept that what you focus on expands then you will only become more of a selfish mean bitch using this therapy. You just won’t care so much about having someone point that out.
Third, the man who had been emotionally cheated on had some legitimate issues. For one thing he needed a make-over to be able to date anyone. He looked like a dork with terribly disgusting teeth and wore bad clothes. This resulted in him having a low self esteem and prevented his wife from French kissing him throughout their marriage. I just sat there thinking if the guy had bothered to get his teeth fixed and buy some new clothes during the marriage, his wife might not have wanted to find a more appealing lover. It pissed me off that he would go to all the effort of a make-over to get a date, but would not put the effort into the wife he already had. The same could be applied to a woman who wore disgusting sweat pants and didn’t shave her armpits or wear make up during a marriage, but dolled herself up as soon as dating became an option.
Wow. So basically what you are saying is that the spouses had a right to cheat? Well maybe if the spouses cared enough to help their wife/husband to get dressed up or get their teeth fixed the marriages wouldn’t be so broken, so really it comes back to them again.
As for the selfish mean bitch thing you pointed out was completely wrong. If her ex-husband called her that again she can just brush it off because she now knows that what he said was untrue and since she never was a selfish bitch I doubt that anyone is ever going to ‘point it out’.
May,
Don’t be rediculous, of course the other spouse didn’t have a “right” to have an emotional affair. That is absurd.
But, marriage is work. It doesn’t make any sense to be willing to fix yourself up for meeting a NEW person, but not be willing to do that for the one you already had.
The guy on the show explained how he hadn’t passionately kissed his wife in almost 10 years because his teeth were disgusting. He had a “six-fugure income” they said on the show. So, my question is “why didn’t he go to the trouble of fixing his teeth for her?” He KNEW it was a problem. The second he had to look for someone else he knew he had to fix them. I’m just saying that maybe if he had put forth some effort to begin with their marriage wouldn’t have been in the toilet.
I’m just saying, trimming the eyebrows and getting rid of the nose hair and whitening the teeth and wearing nicer clothes and brushing the teeth before sex, can go a long way for a marriage. Why is “the next” person worth the effort, but the current spouse was not?
The same can be applied to women who no longer shave body parts, quit doing their hair ever and never get out of the sweat pants. Occassionally making an effort in your own personal hygiene actually does make your spouse more “into” you.
And I don’t think “I am a selfish-bitch” is good therapy. Maybe you didn’t see this particular show but they were like “Have you ever been selish in your marriage?” She’s like “Yes.” “Have you ever been a bitch to your husband?” “Yes.” “Okay, then say I am a Selfish Bitch.”
Basically everyone on planet Earth has been a selfish bitch at one time or another. I just don’t see why they would focus on calling themselves that as a therapy to “heal” from their divorce wounds.
I just think it’s bad theraputic practice. You’re free to have a different opinion.
That woman didn’t get divorced because she was a selfish bitch though. She got divorced because her husband was secretly GAY. Marriage over!
Thanks for commenting – I love the comments, even if you disagree.
Tracee
How can I get a hold of the Ex-wives club?
I need to send some questions to the show producer(s)!
I need to speak to women of the Ex-wives club!
I imagine the best you can do is contact the network and hope it gets there.
ABC is has open casting for these types of reality shows. You can apply here: http://abc.go.com/site/casting.html