Excuses Excuses
February 26, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Amid all the interesting developments in the autism world today—the NYU Child Study Center’s ‘town meeting’, David Kirby’s latest interpretation of ‘evidence’ for a link between autism and vaccines or something in vaccines, a little politicking—I’ve been fielding emails from various colleagues from work, regarding the scheduling of student presentations. It has been made very clear that the schedule does not work for one colleague, due to other, very pressing work demands and shouldn’t I have realized this?
In responding, I’ve been a bit tempted to insert this sentence:
I have a son with autism and I am going to great lengths to get him a babysitter so that I can attend the presentations at that time of day, and at the risk of severely disrupting my son’s own schedule and overall well-being—-I have to go back home to meet his bus and then turn right around after briefing the babysitter to go to the presentations; my husband would take care of my son but he has to work (as you note that you do)……..
Stop, I say to myself: Stop the excuses. Sure, I have some complicated circumstances; sure my colleague does, too. Who doesn’t?
I know, deep in my heart, that it helps Charlie to have changes in his usual routine and that the babysitter is glad to spend time with him. I know that flexibility is an asset.
But ah, the excuses I could make!
And don’t need to.
I remind myself all the time not to use my children as excuses for anything. I simply say that “I cannot” and leave it at that.
It’s something I’ve had to learn.
Oh I need to learn this lesson too.
It helps when we remember that not everyone HAS children although many may wish they did but have not had the good fortune.
Think of priorities in life horizontally and not vertically: address each item needing attention as needed. I cringe when people say, “My children are my priority”…that is personal and obvious and need not be played like a trump card (”my child has a doctor appointment so I cannot attend”).
Saying, “that day/time doesn’t work for me” suffices and it is nobody’s business why.