Fact or Feelings? How Do You Process Things?
October 6, 2008 by Marye Audet
Filed under Relationships
People process things in two basic ways…Either they base their responses on facts or they base them on feelings.
One is not necessarily better than the other, just different…and of course people usually marry a spouse that thinks in the opposite way that they do. It is a source of lots of conflict for lots of marriages. Here are the significant points of each type:
Feelings
Someone who bases their decisions and perceptions of feelings tends to say and do the following-
Says: “This is awesome! I know this will work out!”
Strengths: Optimistic, compassionate, friendly, outgoing, and charismatic
When Stressed: Impulsive and unrealistic, jumps to conclusions
Handles Conflict:Doesn’t listen, becomes flighty or unreliable, mercurial-has a tendency to change to “get along”
- Tends to take on too much at one time
- May find it difficult to finish what is started
- Gets bored easily, always looking for the next thing…
Facts
Says: “What is the evidence? How do you know?”
Strengths: Realistic, logical, Thinks things through, and calm, not easily ruffled.
When Stressed: Depressed, pessimistic, and introspective, hopeless
Handles Conflict:Skeptical and uncommunicative, does not make changes easily
- Likely to get into a rut
- Does not take on new challenges
- May find it difficult to abandon a plan that is not working
More than likely you are a combination of the two but will find that you lean more one way than the other.
Can you guess which I am? Which Marc is?
One thing we have had to learn to do is to accept that we think differently and that this is not necessarily a bad thing! I am quick to come up with plan..I am sure that sometimes Marc must feel like Ricky Ricardo. If there is a challenge to overcome then I am ready with plan in hand in about two seconds…and if plan A does not work then plan B, C, D, E, or G certainly will.
Marc thinks things through. While my brain has jumped from the problem to fifteen possible solutions in exactly two and a half nano-seconds Marc will still be processing the problem and analyzing the facts…it may be days before he is ready to discuss options.
Days where I am frustrated because I feel like we need to forge ahead.
While this seems like it can create a ton of conflict, and it has in the past, we have learned to appreciate the checks and balances that it requires of us. I can’t jump into things as easily as I could if Marc was not fact driven..and he is forced to take chances and stretch his faith a little more than he might normally choose to do.
I think he will probably tell you that I am not someone to live with if you enjoy a comfort zone.
Over the years we have learned to respect eachother’s ways of thinking and to, for the most part, even appreciate it.
You? How does it work in your marriage? Is it a source of conflict?
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Image:Morguefile
I am definitely a feeling person. I can be very rash. My husband is always pointing out reasons why things might not work.
Yeah, Lisa..sometimes I feel like I am married to spock…..It isn’t logical…
Whoa – yes – I tend to be all over everything, over-achieving, over-thinking, and then using my own Tools and simply letting it all roll – my very favorite. I notice that as soon as I let go and just flow – my husband steps-up. Amazing. Like personal growth gifts from being married to someone who’s not like me, but loves me anyway.
ROri, I do think it is one of the benefits, learning and adapting to new ways of thinking and doing things.
I’m not sure how I was 30 years ago, but I developed into someone who doesn’t respond quickly because it is the only safe way to be. I have definitely become the slow processor. I definitely need to evaluate every confrontation, weigh in on it in my head and see the possible ramifications before i can speak.
But then I am married to the ultimate manipulator.