Fight Club (continued)
July 20, 2009 by Jill Cornfield
Filed under Health
Yes, I fired remarks, I shut myself in the bedroom, I cried.
Macy's fireworks in Manhattan, 2008 (photo by Neotint, flickr.com)
Likely the wrong tack to take with Jeff, who dislikes being fired at, but teeth are a sensitive issue for me. “OK,” I said. “Let me look it up.” I don’t know why this didn’t settle things, but he didn’t want me to do any looking around online, and I felt only a little Google search would put my fears to rest. I became even angrier and more miserable.
Finally, when he wasn’t looking, I did look and came across this, which says that permanent teeth finish erupting by age 12 or 13. I felt better and apologized (sort of) but it didn’t seem to take.
We were left feeling misunderstood and ill-treated, yelled at for no good reason except that the utter lack of communication — from Alex, and between us — was to blame for all misunderstanding.
We don’t have any of Alex’s baby teeth. Alex didn’t tell us his tooth was loose — but after it came out he was happy and excited and maybe a little frightened. We got a flashlight and showed him how to put one finger inside his lip so he could get a better look at the missing tooth. Three days later he still gets the flashlight and looks at the hole.
When Kristina gave up this address, I kept the RSS open. I’m glad I did.
I’ve found that having a child with autism doesn’t necessarily cause marital conflict as much as it amplifies/magnifies whatever relationship problems already exist. I’m glad you are giving this aspect of autism (marital relationships) the treatment and attention it deserves. Autism is a tough nut, all on its own. Marriage is harder, I think, because it does necessitate some form of reciprocity of the relationship as opposed to parent-child where the parent always has the final say and control.
And the struggle for control seems to be a dominant theme in most marital conflicts. It just happens to overlap with the dynamics of autism, where there are so many things that seem to spin out of control.
Thanks for writing (and reading). I’m not sure I completely agree – definitely autism magnifies what’s there, but I think it does add its own layer of special stress and conflict. I’ll be revisiting this topic.