“Fighting for Your Kids” Part 2 Clashing with School

I come from a family of educators. I know how hard it is to teach and I know parents aren’t always exactly helpful. There are plenty of times when I have to tell my son that when he is in school, even if I’m there too, his teacher is in charge and what she says goes. End of the story. BUT (and you knew there would be a but, didn’t you?) there are times when I have to do what I feel is best, even if that goes against the schools wishes.

Case in point: Our school’s transitional primary program.

The Boy has a bit of a problem sitting still. He’s a five year old boy though and I don’t expect perfection. Before entering kindergarten my husband and worked with him every day with reading, alphabet and math. We’re not pushy stage parents but we know this is a very competitive school district and though it best to give him an edge. He doesn’t always pay attention as he should, and kindergarten is overwhelming enough.

In the beginning of January the teacher called asking if I can get together with her for a meeting to discuss strategies for helping The Boy pay better attention. We would try incentive programs – so many check marks meant a prize from her and from me. Of course I would meet.

Well, the teacher never made that appointment. Finally in March, at a parent teacher conference, she told me she’s working on a date. She also wondered if I wanted to enroll our son in the school’s transitional primary program. This is a grade between kindergarten and first grade where they recommend children who are too immature to go on to first grade. Mind you, kindergarten is less than three hours long, yet they have this extra all day kindergarten.

I didn’t see any basis for holding The Boy back because he’s ahead of the game, or where he should be academically. The teacher didn’t see it as holding him back. She said when he’s in first grade he’ll be ahead of all the other first graders – who are a year younger then him. I said no hanks.

I finally got that meeting in April, four months after it was suggested by the teacher. My husband and I entered the conference room and in attendance were the principal, the school shrink, the school nurse, the first grade teacher, the fourth grade teacher, the O.T and a couple of other people. As soon as we sat down they told us our son is too immature for first grade. He holds his scissors funny and doesn’t sit still. He likes to socialize with the other kids and doesn’t always stay in his seat. He’s never disciplined for the talking or getting up by the teacher, however.

I asked if there are any academic issues keeping him from the first grade. Nope. Just scissors and talking. After 45 minutes of them pushing this program on us, I asked how many in attendance besides the teacher had observed my son. Not one. The people all sitting around my table telling me my son is too immature for first grade didn’t even know what The Boy looked like. Moreover, they were giving him a Gesell Test (to measure maturity) the next day. They had absolutely no basis for holding our son back except for the fact that the teacher thought he needed work on his scissors and he talked with the other kids too much.

I asked if we were ever going to work on solutions for our son’s focusing, which was supposedly the purpose of the meeting, and they threw out a few hasty suggestions including having him observed by the school shrink. Well excuse me, but shouldn’t they have done all that before blindsiding me with this meeting?

My husband and I were livid when we left and I wrote a strong letter to the school. We will not be in that T.P. class next year. There are plenty of parents who are doing this without question. Now, all parents know what’s best for their kids, but when it comes to holding them back…you have to question. You have to ask why and look into all options. Just because a school makes a recommendation, doesn’t mean it’s right.

Parents, if a teacher makes a recommendation, that’s all it is. Research every angle and remember, you’re the one who knows your child better than everyone else. Fight for your kids, because no one else will.

This post was written by Deb Ng of Simply Thrifty for Guerilla Parenting.

If you’ve got something to say, drop me a note to find out how to share your thoughts and views on Guerilla Parenting.