Flexibility and Perspective – Two Tricks To Improve Your Relationship
September 2, 2008 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
There are a few tricks that I’ve learned over the years to help me when I’m feeling frustrated with work or home life. Two that I use fairly frequently are flexibility and perspective. Sure, I take a stand when necessary, but I’ve found that going with the flow, not trying to run every situation, works when I’m under pressure. If flexibility is not enough, then I flip things around until I get them in a workable position.
Apparently, flexibility and perspective are also helpful in a romantic relationship. The Secret Girlfriend Weapon, by Victoria Lucia, posted at Cosmopolitan.com, explains it this way:
“’If you can organize your thoughts around his strengths, you’ll concentrate on him as a whole instead of on his imperfections,” says study author John Holmes, PhD, professor of social psychology at the University of Waterloo. He found that couples who do this stay together longer.”
The trick is to take something that bothers you about your guy and question why it bothers you. If it’s not serious, simply annoying, then find a way to turn it into a positive. For example, your guy dirties every pot in the kitchen while preparing dinner, then leaves you the mess to clean up. You might decide that yes it is annoying to have to tackle the mess, but your guy works as hard as you do and you appreciate that he is willing to trade cooking duties with you once in awhile. You might remind yourself that none of your girlfriend’s men know their way around a kitchen, while you are lucky enough to have a guy who takes the time to prepare you a gourmet meal. Plus, he looks darn cute in his “Kiss the cook,” apron.
Lets face it, you are still going to be annoyed by the mess, but it’s only the dishes. Another way “to improve your bond,” is to try to avoid bad mouthing him to your girlfriends. Sure a good venting is healthy, but remember that if you don’t respect him, they aren’t going to either.
Your last paragraph hit the nail on the head! As annoyed as we can get by the men in our lives – or just some of the things they do – it’s important not to talk down about him. The more you do, the more you can convince yourself he’s not the right guy.
When, really, we all have our annoying habits.
Thanks Leah. I am going to think things through and not be so quick to react from now on.
Also on that last point… our friends and loved ones want nothing more than for us to be happy.
When we’re not happy, even if for one day, they tend to file that situation we complained to them about and store it for future “red flag” moments.
Too many times you spend upset about your relationship in front of well-meaning friends or family, and all you’re going to hear is their encouragement to leave, give up, etc. But it’s based on your frustration at the moment, and not the fact that you’ve decided after the fact to be flexible and forgiving.
Kind of like if you were to tell someone you were in an accident, and their first concern is if you’re okay. You tell them you have a neck ache and their first instinct is to tell you to sue. When really, the next day, you feel better. But you’ll never live down the fact that they think you should’ve sued. LOL
I know I’ve said things when I’ve been frustrated with my boyfriend and then later really regretted that I said a thing. I’m going to work on that.
We’ve ALL been there, Michelle.
I was fighting with everyone, bf included, during that last relationship. My mom and dad, friends, you name it. It sucked.
This is so great! I just recently moved in with my bf and I’ve found that I find things that annoy me more than I did not living with him. He does dirty all the dishes! But he does help with dinner. I like this positive approach because when you love someone, I think finding ways to coexist is very important to keeping the relationship strong. I also ready some great tips on [url removed - please stop posting it in EVERY comment, Kelly - Lara] forum about how to keep your relationship strong if you’re looking for any more reading
Thank you, Kelly. I wish you and your boyfriend good luck and continued co-habitating bliss.