Forbidden Fruit Syndrome and Getting Your Just Desserts

My son Charlie has, for most of his life, been a hands-down good eater. As a baby, while he did have more than a few gross motor delays), he had no difficulty learning to nurse. We’re not always or, indeed, often sure about what Charlie might be thinking due to his limited language, but we’ve generally been able to assume that he’s ever ready to eat.

And then, this summer—-amid various other changes—a most curious thing happened. Charlie (who is definitely an adolescent) must be in the throes of a growth spurt. He’s needed new shoes after only a few months and shirts that seemed loose and baggy now are just the right length. He’s gotten decidedly lanky and lean. And he’s been eating less than he usually has, and left fries and burgers uneaten on his plate.

After nine years of being gluten-free, Charlie is no longer on “the special diet.” This past summer, that is, all those “forbidden fruit foods”—Saltine crackers; bread that wasn’t made of rice, tapioca, and corn flour and xantham gum; pizza crust; bagels; brownies——went from the realm of “off limits and don’t even ask” to “ok, but what do you call it, ok, we’ll get it.” Sometimes I suspect one reason we stayed with the special diet for so long was because it restricted the “allowable” foods. We didn’t have any “forbidden fruits” in our kitchen and when Charlie started taking medication—Risperdal—that is known to increase appetite and cause weight gain, it wasn’t as if we had to hide the Ho-Hos and put a lock on the refrigerator.

After so many years on the special diet, I worried that, once Charlie was off it, there’d be no end to what was consumed. But a funny thing happened: Now given carte blanche to eat anything, Charlie’s appetite, while certainly healthy, has lessened. He is content with one brownie; he still loves sushi and Vietnamese spring rolls and rice and other gluten-free casein-free foods. A request for “brown noodles” still means thick white chung fun made of rice, not the fine yellow (wheaten) strands of other dishes. There’ve been no more (yet) attempts to put an entire cake, encased in white icing and food-colored decorations, into the shopping cart, or to sneak in a lick of something and leave a cake wreck in our wake.

Don’t put “good stuff out of reach”; don’t pressure a child to take a bite, the New York Times notes about those 6 food mistakes parents make:

Studies show that children react negatively when parents pressure them to eat foods, even if the pressure offers a reward. In one study at Pennsylvania State University, researchers asked children to eat vegetables and drink milk, offering them stickers and television time if they did. Later in the study, the children expressed dislike for the foods they had been rewarded for eating.

“Parents say things like ‘eat your vegetables and you can watch TV,’ but we know that kind of thing doesn’t work either,” said Leann L. Birch, director of Penn State’s childhood obesity research center and a co-author of the study. “In the short run, you might be able to coerce a child to eat, but in the long run, they will be less likely to eat those foods.”

The better approach is to put the food on the table and encourage a child to try it. But don’t complain if she refuses, and don’t offer praise if she tastes it. Just ask her if she wants some more or take seconds yourself, but try to stay neutral.

It’s even suggested that parents put out a new food 15 time. You keep putting the food on the table that many to see if a child will accept it; you don’t demand, cajole, or bribe to get in that bite of Brussels sprout, just put out the food. (And eating some yourself doesn’t hurt.) (Yes, I like Brussels sprouts.) Charlie does have a fairly varied diet and has been known to have a taste for cauliflower and sautéed green onions (separately); I think he saw me eating these, and also preparing them—cleaning, chopping, stir-frying—-in the kitchen.

Charlie has, in the past, gotten obsessed day in and day out with various things, and often things that were restricted, from brownies to Barney. And having the chance to make a real choice seems to be giving him a sense of control and, even, moderation. Being able to taste once “forbidden fruit” leaves the decision of whether or now he wants to eat something with him, not with us. Sounds obvious—-but so often choices get made or assumed or not at all asked for Charlie. And he does know what he wants and, given the chance, he can tell us himself that he wants cake, and eat it, too, or not.