Friends with Benefits
April 13, 2009 by Aly Walansky
Filed under Relationships
A very close friend of mine has had an on/off thing with a close guy friend for years. They are “buddies” – except every few months they fool around.
She’s completely in love with him, and has told him – he has gently told her that’s not what he’s about, and things have fallen off…and things have started off again. Repeat.
Said girl is obviously at fault for letting herself continuously go down that road to hurt..but when said guy sits at lunch and tells her about the awesome new girl he is seeing, does he not realize that said girl may be feeling mixed things? And might have feelings involved? Isn’t he sort of at fault too?
I realize this is a situation that begs a lot more explanation – but from those of you who have been in “friends with benefits” type situations – I wonder – have they EVER ended well?
Image: Sxc.hu
I think that the only “good” ending with something like that is to let it just die out or fade away. I think, and I know that some women will argue with me, that we are wired to develop feelings for the men we become intimate with. The idea of casual sex with a buddy, well that buddy is a friend whom we are attracted to – that’s starting to sound like what we are looking for in a long term partner. Right? It’s not our fault, it’s just biology.
And yes, he’s responsible, too. And he sounds like a bit of an ass.
well, he had given a whole talk on how he cared about her, and what they were doing was just for fun – and i think by her saying she was cool with that, in his mind, he was absolved of all “guilt”….but yeah, i can’t help but agree with you too
I consider myself blessed to have had a relationship with “benefits”. There’s nothing like being a total goofball with a guy I care about and sharing something deeper as well. It was freeing in a way. We could be ourselves with each other, go out and grab a beer, and discuss our crushes too! We were open about the fact that we loved each other and equally open about the fact that we were not meant to be a couple. It’s rare that such a relationship works, but it does happen!