G is for gas….

Even though he can’t technically speak, my wife and I have been able to interpret my newborn son’s noises.

The “words” that begin with a hard ‘g’ sound and trail off into a scream are usually followed by some butt thunder. They indicate gas or the need for a diaper change. So ‘g’ is for gas.

Those noises which begin with an ‘n’ sound and trail off into a brain-damaging scream (my brain, not his) are usually accompanied by some rooting gestures which indicate that he is hungry. So ‘n’ is for nipple.

The recent addition of cooing noises which begin with an ‘h’ sound are usually just for attention and so we’ve assigned them to be hello. So ‘h’ is for hello.

In addition to these vaguely letter-like pronunciations, the little one also has an entire barnyard repertoire which includes impressions of a pig, a goat, a rooster and a cat in heat. One thing’s for sure, he’s not quiet.

Even though I wish he didn’t practice his animal impressions at 4 in the morning, I’m glad that we’re now quickly able to distinguish what he is actually crying about. In a few months he’ll start the babbling stage and will hopefully sound a little less like an animal and communication will really begin to develop.