Getting the most out of doctor’s appointments
One of the oddest things when you are handed your Sandwich Generation membership card is when your aging parent begins to look to you for managing their health care.
When my mother was sick, before I knew it, I was making her appointments, providing transportation, asking the questions, and, I had even developed a first name relationship with her pharmacist.
Not that I shouldn’t have done those things, but, when you first start, it’s just weird to be doing it for your parent. Not only did I have to keep the kids medical appointments in my head, I added my mother, and, 3-5 more doctors. It was already pretty crowded in there, too.
As we have undoubtedly all experienced, doctors have less an less time to see patients who come for an appointment. While there’s 2 sides of that dilemma, I think both doctors and patients would agree that it’s important to maximize the time spent together.
Ivanhoe has an article with a few good tips on using the doctor appointment time wisely.
Though financial impact would vary, I like the idea of making two appointments if there is a lot of things that you need to discuss with the doctor, and, as a nurse, I can attest to the importance of describing your pain specifically, and, thoroughly.
As always, I think it’s a good idea to write down anything you want to discuss, and, always carry an updated list (and some copies if there’s a lot) of your or your parents’ medications and dosages with you. Yes, it is “on file” at the office, but, it can be very important for the doctor to see what you’ve actually been taking, and, a specialist may not always have ready access to all the medicines you’ve been prescribed.
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While Papa’s family doctor has much to be desired, we LOVE his gerontologist. Maybe because she only deals with Dementia and Alzheimer patients. We also love our Pharmacist, and his assistant, who go out of their way to explain the medications and all of the changes that come along with them.
Taking your parents to doctor appointments is a tricky, delicate business. My father likes to say everything is fine” and gets angry when I describe what I consider symptoms because “it makes them do more tests and find more wrong”. Some doctors won’t talk to me even though they know my father won’t heed their instructions. They can see that he’s acting like a preschooler, why don’t they treat him like one?
I always write down what I want to discuss with the doctor ahead of time. Doctors totally intimidate me, and always seem in a rush. If I don’t write down my questions the next thing I know they’re gone, and I haven’t asked them anything.
I loved my Mom’s oncologist and the PA in that office (in fact I cried when we left their office for the last time) and over the past 6 years my Mom absolutely depended on me to answer medical questions when she had various procedures done – I just remembered and I am not sure how.
Dad has resisted having me as his medical assistant because he thinks he has imposed enough with all of Moms stuff. I need to push harder with him because he doesn’t translate anything very well and his hearing is starting to go a bit so I am afraid he will miss something important.
So I balance that with the girls appointments and admittedly, my health is taking a back seat – I just don’t have time to take care of myself and so far (knock on wood) I have been lucky but with cold and flu season coming up I am little nervous!
Filling out some of those forms for a new Doctor is like taking the SATs. It takes time to go back and check all those dates for each and every surgery. Plus all the medications. Then even with the forms in front of them they ask you the same thing once you’re in the office. I’ve learned to keep it all on a flash card and hand it to them. They seem to read that better then the chart for some reason. It would be impossible to know the answer to all those questions for a parent.
My mother is currently the care taker for my elderly grandmother who is suffering from severe memory loss. She has found it is really important to talk with the doctor about ways to deal with her own emotions involved with watching her beloved mother quickly lose touch with reality. and how to deal with my granmother’s confusion and anger as well.
Thanks for the post.
And yes, i am leaving this comment so I can be included in the prize drawing
I am an only child also & I love your websites. I have had to be more involved with my mother’s healthcare & it is really strange doing that for your parents.
De-lurking here for the first time…kind of feels like going to a support group meeting. “Hi, I’m Southern Fried Mom & I am textbook Sandwich Generation–kids ages 7 & 3, 59 year old father with early onset Alzheimer’s (extremely early progression) who lives with us.”
All together now: “Hi, Southern Fried Mom!”
We have a big family calendar with a grid for each family member. I have a medical info. chart in the computer that I update as necessary. I always print & take a current copy to the doctor. 15+ prescriptions taken daily, at least two doctor’s appointments per month for various ailments. (We have one Friday as a matter of fact).
Fantastic Post! So many people don’t think to take a list of questions/medications when they visit a doctor. Doctors are a wealth of knowledge for one to utilize!
a list of questions is a wonderful idea. So many times you go in with questions but forget about them or get sidetracked.
Hey Elizabeth, great post. i can surely relate. I live about 4 hours from Mom, so i have her make as many appointments as possible on two days so i can handle them when I’m there. Doesn’t always work, and it wears her out, but I feel better that I’m on top of at least SOME of her issues!
Pat
http://www.generationsandwich.blogspot.com
I had never thought of the 2 appointment idea, and honestly at times, I could care less about the financial repercussions, I am growing quite fed up with doctors that so overbook themselves. One of my mother’s doctors has six rooms for only himself and books 6 appointments every 15 minutes. How can you possibly take care of a person when you need to average 2.5 minutes per patient?
I’m also a nurse and I feel this is an advantage whenever I or a member of my family goes to the doctor. I feel like I have to advocate for my family in order to navigate a system where the lingo and terminology, lack of time, and insurance bariers confuse the layperson. My husband doesn’t let me go with him for his physicals for this very reason : ). My parents are not old enough to require assistance at this point but they ask me about tests and results whenever they go to the doctor. All this to say, I really feel that healthcare providers need to do better to help the patient get the best care possible rather than bringing in the numbers.
Thanks for all the info….And the chance to win!
I always make sure I write down a list of questions. Great tips though.
Nope. No way. Not ready for this. No ma’am. Maybe I’ll be more ready when I’ve adjusted to actually being responsible for my kids, but until then, uh uh.
Oh I am really going to sound terrible here, but I am seriously hoping that my siblings are ready for this. Because me? I’m only ready for the move to New Mexico. I’m ready to leave this whole thing behind and leave it all up to them.
I always feel like I need to write a list too, but sometimes at my son’s well visits I don’t feel like I have many questions and wish I did have more to ask the Dr. while we have him there with us.
Happily, I have yet to deal with this with my parents. I’m not ready for it. But there have been a few times when I’ve been the only one available to help keep track for my grandparents – an experience I’d prefer not to repeat, although I will if I need to. Thanks for the tips.