Comments on: Give the whole baby-making thing a rest already

By: Number 18 for Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar

Number 18 for Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:03:59 +0000

[...] Give the whole baby-making thing a rest already [...]

By: Marijke

Marijke — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:19:26 +0000

Hi Katrina – thanks so much for taking the time to show us a snippet of your life. I love your last line.

I have three and each one gives me something different and needs something different, if that makes sense.

Please visit again!

Marijke

By: Katrina

Katrina — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:39:47 +0000

All of these responses are very interesting. I don’t know if I have too much to add here, except to say that I just had my ninth baby a few weeks ago, and although a large family isn’t a fit for everyone, no one has the right to tell me that we should stop “making babies”. My husband makes a great living as a fire fighter/paramedic, we own our own home plus rental property, we live debt-free except for our mortgage. Some of our children go to public school and others are home schooled. Our kids do not lack for anything — not material things, not attention from their parents, and certainly not love. I am a stay-at-home, work-from-home mom so I am always here for them. They are not cared for by a nanny or daycare facility. They are in soccer, tennis lessons, piano lessons, club soccer, BMX racing, plus they have their church activities once or twice a week. I just don’t see why people would think that we need to stop adding onto our family when we are such a happy family. My kids ask me all the time for a new baby. They love it. My husband and I LOVE children big time. We feel they are the biggest blessing there is. I wish I were 10 years younger so that I could have at least 5 or 6 more. My children always have a sibling or two or three to play with. They are learning to share their things. They are learning to wait their turn. They are learning that we all work together as a family. They are learning that they are an important part of our family unit. They are learning that the world might be a bit harsh, but no matter how bad it gets out there they always have a HUGE support group here at home that loves them no matter what. It’s a safe home, a loving home. There is no neglect. My kids get read to on most nights, they are fed well every night, they bathe and are clean everyday. No, their socks don’t always match, and sometimes we run out of the house so quickly that one or two of the kids will realize later that they left their shoes at home. Ugh. It happens. But somehow we manage and don’t sweat the small stuff. The laundry piles are outrageous, and if I had the luxury of hired help, that is the first kind I would ask for — someone to come in and do our laundry!! But seriously, I would never tell a person with two children that they “should” have more. I would never question a person with just one child “why” they only had one. Is it so wrong of me to expect the same out of others? I don’t want to be judged or questioned. We are not on food stamps. We buy our own things and have never had to ask anyone for anything or get any kind of gov’t aide. We have plenty of money to support the children that we have now and any more that might come along in the future. So then, are we being irresponsible? I think not. College? Well, some of my children will want college, others might choose a trade school — not everyone chooses an expensive college. Perhaps some will earn scholarships, others might take out loans, and of course we will help out financially when we can. The bottom line is this: if the children are well cared for both emotionally and financially by their parents, then what’s the big deal what the number is??? In my opinion, a lot of people who thump their noses at large families could be a bit envious. They see a large family functioning quite well and feel inadequate that they have a hard time managing their 2 or 3 kids. I don’t know how many times I get the comment from a mom struggling at a store with two or three little ones and will see me happily trudging down the aisle with my 9. “How come you look so calm? I can’t even handle my three!” they will say. I’m not pulling my hair out during a trip to Coscto or Target. We actually love going to those two places. I have many friends with 2 – 4 kids who do all they can to avoid going shopping with their kids. But with us, it’s just the normal thing to do. My kids are learning how to cope with the chaos we experience from time to time — well who am I kidding, we get chaos quite often. My husband calls it “controlled chaos”. But my kids are learning that there are very few “10’s” in life…not to sweat the small stuff or over-react. They are learning how to cope in not-so-perfect situations, how to roll with it when things don’t go as planned– so many people today (adults) are on meds just to cope in everyday normal life. What is UP with that??!! I think living in a large family teaches you how to cope with things and to not have melt-downs when things don’t go your way or if things go wrong. My older ones know how juggle a fussy baby on their hips, how to fix a boo-boo, how to make a toddler sit still while getting a diaper change, how to buckle kids into car seats, how to hold a bag in front of a child while he or she is getting sick in the car, and how to LAUGH through it all and to not stress or take it too seriously. I think those are life lessons in themselves. And it’s great training for when they are parents one day, if they choose to be. Even my older kids ask for a new baby — that right there tells me they are not over-burdened with all the kids. If they were, they would beg me to stop having children. But instead of that, we have the opposite going on here. They want more! Why??? It’s because they are HAPPY! Siblings are fun for them…yes, a lot or work at times, but fun! Right now as I type it is 10:30pm and where are the kids? Five of them are all piled in my bed, asleep! They have their own beds, but they choose to pile up together whenever they get the chance. WHY? Because they are happy and they find comfort in each other. So please, tell me to stop having kids or that it was wrong to have the nine that I have….@@ When we are out and about with all the kids and we run into an older couple or someone above the age of 65, we get the best comments from them. Most say that we are very blessed and that they wish they had had more children. Imagine that! Looking back on their lives, their regret is that they didn’t have more children! I wonder why that is? There is a family down the street from me who has one child, a son. The mother has always looked at me as if I were crazy, having so man children, I must be a bit crazy. She finally asked me a few weeks ago , “WHY do you have so many children?” and I just looked at her, and I looked down at her son and I said, “Well, you know how much joy and love you get from your son?” and she said, “Yeah…” and I said, “Well, I get that feeling NINE times as much!”

By: Mandy

Mandy — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:07:30 +0000

Just a note: The families I know who have just 2 or 3 kids may not consume as many of the replenishable resources that my 5 children do, but they tend to create up to twice the non-recyclable, consumer-crazy refuse that we do. With more children comes less “stuff” for the sheer fact that we don’t have the room for it. The mother of one child recently asked if my daughter could come over to play with her only child so that hers “could learn how to share.” Hmm. My children are learning THAT in a large family (and many other charater qualities that those raised in a small family don’t have a clue about) and will someday share what they’ve learned with the children of parents who INSISTED that they had the right idea. More “attention” from parents does not a better citizen make.

By: Claudine Jalajas

Claudine Jalajas — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 00:24:09 +0000

I come from a family of 4 children. I am second in line and my two younger brothers are much younger than me (more than 11 years). I took care of them–a LOT. I don’t resent any moment of it. It was great, we are still super close to this day, and it was great experience for me now as a mother of three. IF I was 5 years younger I’d have another one too. My children are all fed, well-dressed, and immunized all by our OWN funds. We are two professionals that make good money and just decided that we wanted three children. My two sons share a room but I hardly call that harmful. In fact, I think it’s a good way to learn about how to share and deal with people in the real world. And one day when my husband and I are gone my children will have each other as family. The original post though–whether we should sanction how many children someone is allowed to have is disgusting. These are likely the same people whining about how the government has too much control. G’head.. give them control of your ovaries and sperm.. that’s the ticket.

By: Alicia, Mental Health Notes

Alicia, Mental Health Notes — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:51:27 +0000

To barbarag:

“Irresponsible child-breeding,” which I think would be better described as “irresponsible breeding,” is when people have more children than they have the resources to take care of (money, food, clothing, shelter, etc.). At that point, the children start lacking food and other essentials, and they either a) grow up malnourished, or b) become the government’s/tax payer’s responsibility. When you knowingly have more children than you can take care of, and potentially need the government/tax payers to take care of your children – well, then, yes, that’s irresponsible.

“Irresponsible breeding” is not, however, when people have more children than what you feel comfortable with. As someone noted above, the resources here are just as much their’s (the children’s) as they are yours.

Furthermore, it costs nothing to educate a child. School is free. Sure, parents have to pay for school clothes, lunches (if they don’t qualify for free or reduced meals), backpacks, pens, pencils, paper, and extracurriculars, but K-12 education itself is, the last time I checked, free (well, at least it is in America; I’m not familiar with other countries, so, I apologize upfront where I’m wrong). Now, if you’re referring to colleges and universities – again, the last time I checked, sending your kids off to college isn’t really part of raising them. Yes, higher education is great and can help better society as a whole, but it’s not necessary in keeping a kid alive and healthy.

By: Video: The midwife’s role in maternity care

Video: The midwife’s role in maternity care — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:41:05 +0000

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By: Study looking at pregnant women on bedrest - still looking for participants

Study looking at pregnant women on bedrest - still looking for participants — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:53:40 +0000

[...] Want your opinion heard? Weigh in on this topic: Give the whole baby-making thing a rest already [...]

By: Meagan Francis

Meagan Francis — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:40:33 +0000

“18 kids can’t even equal out to two hours a day of quality time alone with each child. ow can that be good parenting?”

Interesting. I know very few people who spend 1-2 hours of “quality time” alone with their children, except perhaps infants, regardless of how many kids they have. Who decided that was the gold standard? Isn’t there value in other relationships and simply being there and accessible to your kids?

By: Meagan Francis

Meagan Francis — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:39:05 +0000

Marijke, I figured you were just posing a question you’d heard before–but it’s one I hear a lot, so I’m glad you did!