Going on a Blind Date?
April 3, 2006 by Sasha Manuel
Filed under Relationships
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ve gone to one of these things and I’m sure you may have good and/or bad experiences that made you smile or shudder by just thinking about it. Anyway, in the course of my misadventures, I’ve learned a few simple and not-so-simple things that I have overlooked in the past and will always remember in the event that I would find myself in a blind date once more.
I am suggesting that you keep in mind the following:
- Let somebody know who you’re going with and where,
- Make the meeting place really public,
- It’s a good idea to go as a group especially if you’re having doubts about the guy’s credibility. It’s not a crime to take pre-cautionary measures!
- Never accept an offer for a ride home or even to get into that guy’s car. It’s wise to be wary of such things especially in disclosing where you live [you wouldn't want to end up with a stalker, right?], and
- Always make the initial meeting a casual one like a lunch, dinner or coffee date. This also applies for all first dates. The main reason for the date is to get to know him and you wouldn’t be able to do that inside the cinema now, would you?
I may have made mistakes in some of my dates but I’ve taken some wisdom from the experience. It wasn’t all bad anyway because I have found and created new friendships with some of them, which I still enjoy upto now.
In dating, I reckon you just have to learn how to follow your gut. Sometimes, it may just surprise you.
When I was looking for a husband, I went on about 34 blind dates over two years. I was, I confess, a serial internet dater. I even wrote an ebook about it:
http://www.vidaville.com/dating/
I would add one more item to the list: be completely honest about yourself to your date and tell him (tactfully) that you expect the same from him.
This is the first step in managing expectations of each other and starting off communications on a positive note.
I agree with you Kate, but being a serial internet dater too, I also found people claiming to be totally honest and upfront when the reality was the complete opposite.
I still mentioned dating sites and things to people, as I met my current b/f that way, but I also know the pitfalls too.
Thanks for that, Kate.
I sometimes feel that being upfront about your expectations to your date, seeing that you’ve never met in person before, can be a bit intimidating.
But I reckon honesty is a good thing regardless if it’s reciprocated or not. We are all adults after all so everyone is somehow expected to practice some wariness and discernment.
I’m with you on this one Angela. Problem is that they all say that they’re honest but you have to be on your guard with them all the time and often I’ve found that some of the pieces don’t fit right. But having said that, when I did find an honest guy I didn’t like him for one reason or another. So be careful and enjoy the journey and if it doesn’t take you to the right destiantion try to get there quickly as as you get older it becomes harder I think. I once dated a brain surgeon, well so he said. I thought wow this is my lucky night. Well it wasn’t before 3 or 4 dates later that he ended up spilling the beans and told me he was some kind of computer technician, “fixing computers, a brain surgeon get it?” he asked.
OMG.Sally, I hope to god you laughed in his face. I believe, and hope I would have, that is the lamest thing I’ve heard.
Also, my boyfriend and I (we met through a dating site) have been together going on two years. Marriage has been talked about, but no plans or engagement yet.
Glad that your online dating is working out and it’s nice to hear the good news story. I have to be honest and say that I’ve met and dated some lovely guys but you just have to go through a lot of crappy ones to get to them….I mean look at Kate’s stats 34 blind dates over two years!!! Sadly most just want to get into your panz on day one. I mean what’s the matter with men these days can’t they wait for the second date? But you do meet all sorts don’t you. Gotta enjoy the journey though else you’d seriosly consider become Mother Superior.
I agree with you sally. I can’t recount how many dates I went on or how many people I at least talked to on the phone. It took some doozes to get here. Won’t lie that I was getting very discouraged and doing my best not to care. I even swore off personal ads a few new years days, but that never worked. Also, I never met guys through other means that I wanted to date or vice versa, so I didn’t know what else to do.
Dating in general is discouraging rather through, dating sites, blind dates, meeting people at church or social events, etc….dating itself just stinks. I honestly never liked it and can’t understand how some people consider it fun. I met nice decent guys too, but got the ‘just friends’ feeling, from myself, so it went no where.
Yes it sure is a big time waster Angela. From when you start to where you end up you seem to get older not only because of the elapsed time but also because of the process that you have gone through. As I intimated before in the end I just changed my attitude and rather than focus on the “husband” hunt I tried to enjoy the journey and have some fun along the way but gosh I could easily write a book or two about the journey and the guys I dated and the things that happened. I briefly mentioned the brain surgeon but there were many others like the “rancher” who ended up living with an uncle in a caravan park, then there was the pilot who really only flew model aeroplanes and didn’t do a good job at that….and then….. oh I’d better stop as one of them might drop on over and read this…..lol. I could tell some awesome dating yarns. But I have to say, I would not go to a casino or stand at the buss stop waiting in hope to be picked up by a romeo. So online dating was a nice soft option. One good thing though is that I used email and online messenger to do a lot of filtering. While it took some time, if they couldn’t communicate by written word then they didn’t get past first base with me I’m afraid. I’d also always ask one or two sticky questions just to get an idea of their intellect. For example I would ask, “if you had the choice of with who from anyone alive today or in the past you could sit beside on a long international flight who would you pick?” and the killer question I would ask “And why?”. That sorted the thinkers from the drinkers let me tell you! But for some I think the appropriate question should have been “what do you want to be when you grow up?”….like I said I could easily write a book about the dating game
Agreed, email and IMs was my filter too.
I made mistakes with it in the beginning though. Dated a guy who wanted to meet after about 4 emails, very short ones on his end, so I answered the same. We met, then dated for 2 and a half years, which was awful. I so should have filtered him more, and when my instinct said no to guys with kids, I should have listened cause he had a kid. Unfotunately, at that time though I wanted to be open, and thought I might be pushing good prospects away if they had kids, but not this one. I finally grew a backbone and left him. Pretty sad when your parents don’t like him either and listen to you rant about them all the time, but they say nothing. Ok, they did, but I didn’t always listen.
Yep I know exatly what you’re saying Angela. It can all be very painful but rather than waste 2+ years of both of your lives it’s better to break it off as soon as you feel it ain’t working. It is sad when parents, sibblings and friends don’t like him…. even though they might not say much you can feel it can’t you? It’s awful….everyone pretending when everyone knows it isn’t.
I felt better being around everyone else, except the *ex*. I didn’t figure things out till a year and a half into the relationship. He was a manipulater and whiner, so it was very hard to leave for a very long time, but he said something that “broke the camels back”, which is when I moved out.