Going To Bed Angry Is Not A Bad Thing

You must have heard this advice before, right?

“You should never go to bed angry.”

This is one of the marriage fallacies that I believed in for the first few months – but quickly grew to realize that it is like telling someone to keep driving when they  are tired. If you are arguing right before bed, then that was just poor form on your part. But it happens – sometimes because one of you just felt like you had to get something off your chest. Other times, because something happened unexpectedly that’s out of your control.

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Either way, you’re arguing…and you’re tired. The result, is more than likely going to be…

• incoherent
• emotional
• damaging

Maybe none of these things are beyond repair in the short term (or even the long run), but I firmly believe you are taking a big risk by trying to have a rational discussion right before bed.

I say, forget about what “they” say and make a pact with your spouse to be able to say to the other person “let’s talk about this in the morning” and each of you respect that. This should not be used as a cop-out (if you say those words at 6pm, he/she might not appreciate it) but instead, needs to be your commitment to one another that at a certain hour the risk of being too cranky/tired to rein in your frustration and not say something hurtful. The same issue will probably be there in the morning – but don’t force yourself to resolve it…or worse yet – let it go…just to appease words of wisdom that are way too black and white for all the blurred lines and grey areas in a marriage.