Good Parenting Equals Good Relationships
July 17, 2006 by Sasha Manuel
Filed under Relationships
“If parents model good relationship skills, as well as good parenting skills, then children are likely to learn these and reproduce them in their own adult relationships.” — Paul Amato, Professor of Sociology, Pennsylvania State University
Growing up, I was taught to believe that this kind of thinking was true. My mother would tell me to never choose a man who came from a broken family. You have to understand that in my country and during those days, being part of a broken family was highly unconventional.
I reckon I still believe that whatever kind of relationship you have with your parents will directly reflect how you will conduct yourself in a relationship. And yea, I still believe that parents are our primary role models because they are the closest set of people who display the relationship that you will have one day.
However, there are certain things that I am now aware of, which I believe we need to be considerate about. Sure, children who have divorced parents or who grew up in a highly unstable family environment can turn out to be such a mess and perhaps, become one of destructive kind of individuals. However, even if studies can support such generalisations, I believe that stereotyping them will not be helpful.
They still have the same needs as any other person. Okay — they may bring a baggage or two but that doesn’t make them all bad. You can think about their admirable traits like, their will to survive, their strength to move forward, or their courage to start a family of their own.
But I understand the need for you to protect yourself from such individuals, of course. I also understand that it will require a lot more work on the relationship but I happen to think that these individuals have an extraordinary love in them to compensate you in risking or troubling yourself in going into a relationship with them, loving them.
If you found out that a guy or a girl came from a broken family, will you continue seeing him or her? Or Will you fear the possibility of history repeating itself?
There are adults who grew up in two parent homes who have just as much baggage as those who come from broken homes. Just because their parents never parted, doesn’t mean that there was stability in the home. People stay in abusive/dyfunctional marriages all the time.
People should be loved for who and what they are, not where they came from.
I agree with you, Rhonda, that people should be loved for who and what they are. Their past is what makes them who they are and I’ve always believed that scarred people are beautiful.