Grieving Over A Lost Pet: PETA Offers The Chance To Confess

I miss Gus.

Gus was my little gray and white long-haired kitten, best friend to both Chopper and Miss Penny Lane, and vanquisher of all silence.

He was needy, he liked to sleep on my chest, and had a strict “no closed doors” policy.

He ate a lot, he pooped a lot, and he was the criminal mastermind behind every “no-no” Chopper committed.

Honestly. I watched this cat bat pens, wallets, and candy into the floor for Chopper to carry off to her cage, a.k.a. The Chop Cave.

A little over a year ago, Gus died.

He wasn’t even a year old yet. It was during the whole horrible pet-food-from-China fiasco. I wasn’t feeding my cats any of the food that was on the list, nor was my other cat, Miss Penny Lane, affected, so I’m not inclined to think he ate poisoned food. But, he did fall ill and pass away during that time.

Gus couldn’t have gotten sick at a worse time. I was in between paychecks and had just paid all the bills. As I had no cash and I don’t have credit cards, I was soon on the phone with every veterinarian in the county asking about payment plans.

Needless to say, soon after that I was on the phone with my parents asking for money.

Unfortunately, nothing happened quick enough. Gus passed away the very same day I called my parents. Actually, he passed away minutes after I hung up with Mom.

The whole thing was a whirlwind. He was ill one night, and he passed away the next afternoon.

However, after I buried Gus, I realized he’d been showing signs of being ill for a couple of days prior to his death. He wasn’t eating much. He was lethargic. He didn’t roughhouse with Chopper. I’ve owned cats all my life (literally, not figuratively) and it just seemed like he was feeling a bit under the weather.

I was wrong, and my cat died.

I had no money, and my cat died.

I’ve carried this guilt and shame since the day Gus passed away. My animals are like my children. I would do anything for them. I would fight you over my pets (again, literally and not figuratively). How could I not have had the money to take him to the vet? How could I have mistaken his symptoms for something else?

Until that point, I’d never lost a pet to anything but old age. How could I be so ridiculously irresponsible?

I’ve talked about this miserable guilt to anyone who’d listen, but the other day I discovered PETA’s I Confess…Confessions From Animal Guardians, and I told my story again – anonymously, as that’s the deal. It’s cathartic to talk about and confess our guilt and shame. Sometimes, it’s even more cathartic to do it anonymously. People tend to be more frank when they’re anonymous.

Do I still feel guilty? Yes. Am I still ashamed? Hell yes. At this point I don’t know if I’m trying to cleanse myself or punish myself. However, sharing my story with so many other people who feel guilty or shameful regarding their pets was therapeutic.

If you’re feeling guilty about something you did – or didn’t do – regarding your pet, give it a try.

Gus (left) and Miss Penny Lane (right), wondering why I interrupted their naps.

Gus and Chopper, shortly after we adopted Chopper, in a basket I used to keep by my desk just for that purpose.

Gus and Chopper all grown up – well, Chopper growing seriously bigger than Gus! – in a chair I had to make soft and keep by my desk, just for that purpose.

PETA Image: Newcom

Pet Images: Me

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