Guest Post: A Natural Tie
Today’s guest post is from yet another b5media writer and adoptee. Julie Bonner has an amazing birth story and journey.
Adoption has always been a close topic to my heart. I was adopted when I was 8 months old. I went back and forth for years when I was a teenager trying to decide if I wanted to search out my birth mom. I never took that leap of faith and I really didn’t realize why until I was older. It was because I was scared. I was scared that I would open myself and my family up to a relationship that would be destructive. I had enough destructive relationships in my life at the time to keep 5 of me busy. Why add one more?
I also had the fear of not being wanted. What if I did finally find my birth mom and then she wanted nothing to do with me? What if I opened up old wounds for her that she had tried so hard to forget? For years and years there were these questions swirling around in my head. So, I did nothing until late one night on a whim.
It was very late and I was surfing the Internet. I ended up on this adoption forum. How? To this day I still don’t know how or why, but it was an event that would change my life forever. I was reading all these postings from people who were searching for their birth parents or from ones who had already found them. There was one comment that hit me so hard that I just sat there at my computer sobbing. One girl had finally tracked down her birth mom after looking for 2 years. When she finally found out who she was, it was too late. Her birth mom had already passed away. She was devastated and offered one word of advice to those of us thinking about taking that leap. She said “Do it”. Do it before it’s too late and you end up regretting a decision that you can never take back.
So, I took her advice and started my search. I was one of the lucky ones. It took me only two weeks to find out who my birth mom was and get her contact info. How did I do it so fast? I found some old Texas documents that someone had scanned and posted on the Internet. They were old birth records from the county I was born in. I scanned and scanned the document until I found my birth date. All I had to do was match my birth certificate number to one of the names of the women.
I had to rush order a birth certificate and when it got to me, I ripped that envelope open so fast, grabbed the documents I had printed out and one of the numbers matched. To say that I had a dozen emotions flooding through my body would be an understatement! I was excited, scared, elated, happy and totally freaking out all at once. Now I just had to track down my birth mom’s married name and address. I contacted one of the adoption angels from the forum I visited and within a day she sent me who she was 99% sure was my adopted mom’s information. She suggested writing her a letter instead of calling because calling is a little invasive. So, I wrote the letter, put a picture of my family in there and mailed it off. That was in August of 2006.
On July 4th, I received an email from my birth mom. I was shaking as I read the email. I had no idea what to expect. Would she tell me to leave her alone? Would she be happy? Needless to say, she was ecstatic to hear from me. We emailed back and forth a few times and then I called her. Hearing her voice, MY birth mom’s voice for the first time was an experience I will never forget. I felt so complete at that moment. I finally knew that she was something that was missing in my life. She was someone that I needed and I had waited all these years to do something about it. I will not allow myself to regret waiting so long, but instead look toward the future.
My birth mom was married and had two kids who were younger than I was. We all wanted to meet, so she flew me out to Texas to spend a few days with them. For my entire childhood and teenage years we lived 30 minutes from each other. 30 minutes!! I spent a few days in September of 2006 with her and her family. I was able to meet her mom, her sisters, her husband and kids. It was an instant bond with everyone. My half sister and I are so alike it’s scary.
A few months later, her and her family visited Georgia, where we were living at the time, and they got to meet my husband and 3 kids. Again, instant bonding. We had so much fun together and felt like we had known each other for years.
It’s now been over two years since she came into my life and it has been amazing. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like, but we talk on the phone and she sends my kids crazy good packages for their birthdays, Christmas and other holidays. My kids call her grandma and her husband grandpa, as well as my half sister and brother aunt and uncle. It just felt natural for them to call them that.
I am so thankful for that late night that I decided to surf the Internet and ended up on that adoption forum. I am so thankful for the fact that my birth mom wanted me in her life and that things have worked out so amazingly well. I know that my case is rare. I have had people who are adopted hear my story and it has made them want to search out their birth parents. I always advise them to not go into it with any expectations. Just take that leap of faith only if you are truly ready for whatever may happen.
Thanks for listening to my story. I would love to hear some of yours!
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Julie Bonner
Staff Writer
www.b5media.com
