Half Measures
January 15, 2009 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Avail us nothing…
I first published this last year. It remains true.
January 7th’s Reflection speaks of turning points. Sometimes they are beginnings and sometimes they are endings. I can understand that. I don’t like it but, then again, it doesn’t matter whether I like them or not, everything will unfold the way it was meant to.
Thy Will, Not Mine Be Done
My shortcomings also tempt me daily; therefore I also have the same opportunities as the reflections’ writer to become aware of them. In one form or another – self-condemnation will rear its ugly head. I make a mistake and the very first thought is “You stupid A**.” Anger seemingly always jumps up to be recognized. It is self-delusional for me to continue to regret the past and what happened with my relationships, my family. Yet it continues to deepen some level of anger within as it remains unfinished with my children.
Running away is not one that haunts me anymore. Rick taught me (and many others) that I am now able to go through my fears rather than avoid them. Being prideful often flip flops into feeling inferior which causes balance to remain a struggle. Wanting to get even has its moments. When my spirituality isn’t up to snuff and I am feeling lonely, abandoned, distraught or depressed, I get the feeling I want to get even but it is wiped out by knowing today that it simply won’t happen so no need to bother. Acting out of grandiosity? Nope, not part of my character.
The statement the writer makes about attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzing his efforts to change is true for me too. It has got to be either all, or nothing at all, and I know without a shadow of doubt that nothing at all will get me grave yard dead. Half measures won’t get me half drunk either. Half measures will get me full on, falling down, sh**-faced, blacked out!
Thus, – it is with complete abandon I place myself in God’s hands, embracing His help and somehow believing He has my best interests at heart because He loves me unconditionally. Else, why would I be sober today, now…
