My dance coach kinda “adopted” me. She became my legal guardian of sorts and was the one that led me though my hard times. Not only was she my coach, but my new mother. I went to many competitions because of her, I went to auditions because of her, and she was with me all the way. She and her husband took me into their hearts in a way my parents used to do before my sister was born. People would ask if I was their daughter, and she’d say “No, but I’m claiming her!” The only time my folks saw me is when I came home after practice, if they were home at all and not at the hospital with my sister.

Your day will come Naomi, a new mother and father will open their arms to you and let you in. There is hope and your tears will soon be gone.

Please talk to your mom again and find someone to talk to who can see things from your perspective for a change. Let me know how you are doing.

I am writing two books about an autistic adult who falls in love with his colleague in the first one. In the second book, he becomes the father of an autistic son in a dictatorial society that is similiar to Nazi Germany or Red China in which disabled children are seen as filth and a burden that must be lifted through death. As you can imagine, society will harass and try to kill him and his family.

I hate you when you call me names
I hate you when you look at me – blank face
I hate you when you mock at me
I hate you when you threat me as if I am not human.

Do you know that I can memorize
all the names of my families and relatives
all their birthdays and phone numbers
all the players and teams of any sports
all newspapers and schedules in the subways
And i know you dont

Do you know that I can easily define patterns
in all the things that I see, I touch,
I hear, I smell, I taste and I dream
And i know you dont

Do you know that I have a lot of great things in my mind
I can solve intricate mathematical equations
I can create worlds that you have not thought before
I can paint life like a magical innocent smile of a child
And I know you dont

I want to talk to you,
but I was not given a chance
I want to tell you about the sky
but I startle when I talk
I want to tell you about duality
but I have trouble relating my mind
I want to play hide and seek
but I could not look at into your eyes
I might flaps my hand or walk on tiptoe
because these are my ways of telling you
Can we be normal and be friends?

But you set norms and rules
because you are many and we are not
Label us as a disorder or a disease
because we behave differently and you are not
Diagnose us by behaviours and observartions
because you think you are smart and we are not
But I’m sorry to disagree, your theory is your opinion – not ours!

But when I hate you
It does not mean that I do not love you
It does not mean that I do not care about you
It does not mean that we can not be together
But simply because
You do not understand me.

It’s not letting autism control your life. It’s evening the playing field for the autistic person. After all, for the frustration from parents and educators who constantly exasperate themselves with me, I get very stressed and only have more stress, and since my mom has understood more about me and I am comfortable to stim and have times of not talking, there are less of these confrontations.

Things to change and get better: self-injury, developing effective communication system, depression, etc.

Things not to change: stimming, trying to force speech when a more effective communication is in place, odd appearances or actions that don’t hurt anybody, etc.

Remember, just because we may look horribly trapped and miserable to you doesn’t mean that’s our reality. Most of the time, non-autistic people misinterpret my emotional state. I am often said to be sad or anxious or disturbed when I am happy or neutral, or working on solving a practical problem.

I think hate speech is the word for the website this post is about.