He Cheated, We’re Over, Now What?

In my previous article I addressed the Definiton of Cheating as a starting point for a discussion about the possible beginning, middle, and end situations that occur in a cheating situation.  Every cheating situation is different, but the main two choices that you have after this occurs are 1. break up or 2. stay together.

Most of the time when you’ve been cheated on you will want to immediately end the relationship that you are in.  If your relationship has been a struggle and you believe that the cheating was only a manifestation of other problems in your relationship like distrust, manipulation, and constant lying then making a complete break is the right decision.  If you feel like the relationship is now over, then trust your instincts.

Cheating will crush you and break your heart, but if you have decided that this is the end then the hard part has only just begun.  First, give yourself time to accept your pain.  Truly feel the pain and let yourself be sad.  Let it all out because you have been hurt and it is wonderful that you are in touch with your emotions.  After some time, try to be calm and analytical about your situation.  Acknowledge the relationship as a whole and include all other aspects outside of the cheating that led to the end.

Here are some extremely important ideas to remember when struggling with the post break-up depression and confusion after a relationship involving cheating:

• Don’t blame yourself. Two people are involved in the relationship…remember that!

• Don’t spend energy hating the cheater. It only gives them a role in your life that they don’t deserve.

• Don’t look back and point out all of the signs that you missed and places where you made wrong decisions.  It doesn’t help!  The past is the past and the mistakes were made and you must move on.

• Do look back reflectively to figure out what you can learn from the situation.

• Don’t be a flip flopper. Trust your initial instincts and stick to them.  It’s going to be tough!  There is no doubt about that.  But you are strong and independent.  If you are broken up, then you are broken up.  Remember that!

• Keep the situation private. There is no need to start a smear campaign against the cheater.  There is more to him than just the cheating and you will get nothing from spreading your private life into the public.

• Don’t put up a wall. You were hurt, but it doesn’t mean that you will be hurt again.  Let yourself love and be loved.  Let yourself trust and be trusted.