He Just Returned From Military Deployment

With every man that is serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, there are many loving and supportive family members and friends that are struggling to deal with this challenging and painful situation.  I can’t offer too much advice to those that are serving, but I do think that it’s extremely important to offer support to the loved ones who are fighting their own battle to stay strong at home.

I have some experience with military relationships, so I would like to start reaching out to women who have loved ones in the military and are looking for answers.  It is an extremely lonely and painful experience and I know that it helps to know that others have gone through the same situation.

Today I would like to talk about tips for women dealing with returning servicemembers.  If your loved one has recently returned from a military deployment there are a lot of new challenges that you will face.  You know that your loved one is going through a painful transition to adjust to life back at home, but you probably are completely nervous about how to deal with it in the best way.

I believe that this advice also applies to any other return from an emotionally challenging or alienating situation like rehabilitation or loss of a loved one.  It could also apply to any situation that involves long periods of time spent apart.

This advice has been adapted from a publication from a support organization for the US Marine Corps:

• Talk and listen. It might feel awkward at first, but open communication is extremely important.
• Go slow. Don’t force emotionally or physical intimacy right away.  You have missed each other a lot, but it will take time to get to that level of comfort again.
• Be flexible. You have both established a lot of independence so allow yourself to adjust to some of his patterns.
• Don’t be defensive. He might have a bombardment of questions for you about the changes in your life that have occurred since he has been away.  You had to make a lot of decisions without him and you need to take the time to calmly explain them without feeling attacked.
• Don’t force talk. He might not want to open up right away about everything that he has been through…and that’s okay.  You don’t have to be his therapist, you just have to be supportive and loving and with time he will become comfortable.  Talking to a trained professional could be very helpful.

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