Healthy versus Toxic Love
July 7, 2008 by gayla
Filed under Relationships
If you were in a toxic relationship, would you recognize it? Are you the type who can come up with a million excuses for your love interest to behave badly?
Try as I might to raise my teenage boys to recognize toxic love from the start, I can see episodes where they give in and think with their heart instead of making healthy decisions.
Early in my dating career, I established my own set of rules. Rules that included issues that were important to me and those I could not settle for less on.
As an example – I am very big on being prompt. I hate tardiness of any kid and during my dating career – if my date showed up more than 15 minutes late, I didn’t go. I found it to be rude and inconsiderate.
There’s absolutely no excuse for being tardy these days, especially when everyone has cell phones or know someone who does.
I stumbled on this chart that compares Healthy Love and Toxic Love – take a look, compare the sides and see if you see yourself in any of the classic signs.
You really didn’t go if they were 15 minutes late. No wonder you’re so effective.
I actually went out with a guy who showed up 3 days late. No freaking wonder we got divorced later.! LOL!
My husband is compulsively late. I used to be mad when I walked into church every single week. Every single week.
I had to let it go. I know it’s arrogant of him. I know it’s rude. I know it makes me look arrogant and rude. But, I have no more strategies to make him be on time. I’m out. I’ve stomped. Stormed. Refused to go. Left without him. Begged. Pleaded. Chastised. Employed others.
It’s been 8 years. I’ve accepted we’re going to be late. Acceptance is less draining than anger. Oh well.
The healthy love and toxic chart has some very good points. It’s so important to keep up with your
friends and have your own separate interests. It makes you more interesting to your partner and you
always have something to talk about. Being clingy and unable to survive on your own is very bad for any
relationship and can be suffocating.