Help! I Always Pick The Wrong Men!

Many women who find themselves consistently in situations where they are hurt by insensitive, manipulative, or deceitful men wonder what they are doing wrong.  They question how they could find themselves over and over again in the exact same situation at the end of a failed relationship with a guy who they probably should never have given a chance in the first place.  Are these women doomed to date terrible men for the rest of their lives?

This is a dangerous pattern for women to get in because with each failed relationship their confidence falls a little lower.  They think that there must be something wrong with them in order for men to keep treating them badly and they might even begin to give up hope that they will ever find someone who will make them happy.

The issue in this situation is instincts.  Some women have instincts that they can trust, and someone need to realize that their instincts are definitely not to be trusted.  Oftentimes women receive the advice “trust your gut” when making decisions about men, but women who consistently find themselves in this situation need to “trust their gut” in a completely different way.

If you notice that you are the common denominator in a series of bad relationships, either because you have self-destructive patterns or because you always pick the wrong guy, then you may not be able to follow your gut… In twelve-step programs, this kind of behavior is called “contrary action,” or doing the opposite of what you would normally do. (Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Ex* by Heather Belle and Michelle Fiordaliso)

Some people have a bad sense of direction.  They think they know which direction to go, but they it turns out to be wrong.  If you follow the pattern of their instincts for which direction is correct, oftentimes you will find that their sense of direction reveals the exact opposite direction of which way is the correct way.  This “contrary action” technique sounds a little bit radical but it can be truly life-changing for women who find that they pick the wrong men.

Decipher what your instincts are telling you to do and then take some time to step back and analyze the situation.  Don’t allow sexual attraction to be your priority and instead look at other characteristics of the man in question.  If you are really feeling excited and as if you are ready to throw your emotions into a situation quickly, a red flag should be raised.  Could this be a situation where the opposite of your instincts is the correct reaction to the situation?  Ask for advice from your closest friends and trust what they see even if you may not see the same thing.

It is important to realize that they pattern that your relationships have been following is not healthy for you and it would be a good idea to slow down and look at the opposite of your instincts in order to stimulate change in the pattern you have been experiencing.

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