Helping Teens Through a Pregnancy
Yesterday I talked about a mom who I believe did not handle the news of her daughter’s pregnancy very well. Cheryl even admitted she could have handled it better when she found out her fifteen-year-old daughter, Justine was pregnant. I don’t know the whole story. We only saw glimpses of their life and the whole nine month’s of pregnancy was condensed in to about about ten minutes, but it seemed like Cheryl was only thinking about how the pregnancy affected her rather than how it was affecting her teenage daughter. It also seemed that Cheryl made the decision to give up the child for adoption rather than letting Justine make that decision. Cheryl said, “We were going to have to give this baby away and it made me….It was hurtful that she put me in that position to have to make a decision like that and to do that.”
That got me thinking. What would you do if your teenage daughter was pregnant?
Cheryl made the comment that Justine was too young to make a decision like this. Not “a decision like this on her own, but just a decision period. I agree at 15, teens’ brains are still developing and they can’t fully understand the consequences of their actions. If they could then she wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place. But I disagree that you should take the decision out of their hands. They made a grown up decision to have sex. They need to make a grown up decision about what to do now.
I think a teen needs to be informed. There needs to be A LOT of conversations about the pros and cons of each option; abortion, adoption and keeping the baby. She needs to talk to her doctor. She needs to meet other teen moms who are supporting their babies. I also think she should talk to an adoption agency and maybe even meet a few prospective parents. It doesn’t mean she has to choose adoption, but meeting loving, caring people who are desperate to be parents could be a good persuader.
When Justine first talked about giving up her baby you could tell it wasn’t her decision. The look on her face and the tone in her voice told you she was devastated by this option. But after going to the adoption agency and meeting the family that would be raising her baby, she became more comfortable with it. By the time the baby was born she seemed to be at peace and even happy about that decision. So, in the end, it worked out for Justine, thankfully.
We need to remember that our teenagers aren’t little kids anymore. They need to face their consequences. They need to be held accountable for their actions. They need to learn to make the hard decisions. Parents absolutely need to guide their daughter (or son) through this difficult time, but don’t make the decision for them. It’s not something they did to you…at least not on purpose. No matter what their choice, this is something they will have to live with for the rest of their life. This is a decision they need to make.
Adoption is a personal choice, not one that another person can ever make for you, ever. There are so many birth mothers out there now who grieve a decision they made years ago because they were coerced into making the decision either by family members or by adoption agencies.
There are actually adoption agencies that will stalk maternity wards looking for single mothers and will invite themselves into the rooms to talk to them about their parenting plans, as if that is something that should be okay.
I don’t know the entire story here but I hope that Justine was given the chance to chose the adoptive parents, as most birth mothers do. I also hope that she was given counseling from the adoption agency.
And desperate to be parents? Kind of a poor choice of words here. Most adoptive parents are not desperate…it’s just the only way we can build a family.
When I found out I was pregnant, the day my mother chose not to support me, was the last day in her life until she came to terms that a real mother, and real grandmother helps their child ( no matter the age ) with their grandchild on the way.
Its not over for justine, You said that it worked out in the end for her, its not nearly the end. Its not even close.
I hold a great deal of pain on my heart due to the fact that MY grandparents were unsupportive of my mother keeping me, which resulted in my own adoption. My mother was “happy” for many years on the outside, given the choice she never would have surrendered me again now that all is said and done. 27 years later her pain and my pain still isn’t gone.
correction * was her last day in my life * in reference to my mom not supporting me in my own pregnancy.
A similiar scenario happened to me as a teenager (age 15 actually). Only my mother told me that SHE was NOT raising another child (she didn’t seem to much like raising the one she had). She never gave me an option and, at that age, I didn’t know I had options. I was just scared out of my wits. Now, I’m the one who has to live with the fact that I had an abortion. Not my mother.
I completely agree with you Christine. Young pregnant girls need to be given all the options and talk to women who chose those options and see how it worked out for them. i would support my daughter- whatever she chose to do. There are many fantastic people in the world who were once “oops” pregnancies. Lance Armstrong for one and his Mom had no support in her decision to keep him.