Hillary’s “Feminine Ideal” Sin
May 9, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
Yesterday we talked about Hillary’s big social crime, which is to play men’s games by men’s rules rather than to attempt to play them with feminine roles.
I was reading Leslie Bennett’s FEMININE MISTAKE, THE: ARE WE GIVING UP TOO MUCH?
“Conveying their strengths and attainments to others is so far from the expected female style of self-effacement that women experience it as ‘bragging’ – in other words, socially unacceptable boastfulness. . . For middle-class American women, the constraint is clear: talking about your own accomplishments in a ways that calls attention to yourself is not acceptable . . . Girls are supposed to be ‘humble’ – not try to take the spotlight, emphasize the ways they are just like everyone else, and de-emphasize the ways they are special.”
One of Hillary’s big sins against the feminine ideal is that she doesn’t self-deprecate.
Women aren’t supposed to like themselves. Notice this the next time you get together with your girls. See who, if anyone, says something good about themselves.
As an experiment I’ve been saying good things about myself when around other women – it’s usually met with a pregnant pause.
Last month at my book club a friend was very delicately telling me I need better photos on my blog and should really invest in a good camera.
I realize that, I told her. I’m an excellent photographer. I’ve won awards for photography and it’s embarrassing for me to put so-so or crappy pictures up. But, I’m a camera snob – I want one that will let me use my creative skills with a zoom lens and I’m not going to settle for the $100 piece of crap we can afford to buy right now.
Pregnant pause.
What did I do? I complimented myself without shame. Women don’t know what to do with that because what I’m supposed to say, by social contract, is that I’m such a loser, a mediocre photographer, too lazy or maybe I should take a class.
I get a similar reaction when I compliment my own breasts instead of one-uping another woman’s dislike of her own thighs.
What does Hillary do? She says she’s the best – not only better than all the other women, but she says, boldly and in public, that’s she’s better than even the best man up there.
I’m excellent at foreign-policy. I’ve got the best healthcare plan. I can balance the budget better than he can. I am the best person for the job. I’m the most qualified candidate.
With self-deprecation as our national feminine pass-time where women call themselves “loser mom” for a simple mistake and not meeting up to an ideal of perfection, where one can’t speak to other women without telling each other how imperfect and fallible they are, Hillary’s confidence breaks all the rules.
Watching some women criticize Hillary is like a flashback to mean girl drama of the the 7th grade, “You’re so conceited!”
I hope she wins. If only, so she can show us how to grow a self esteem.
Image source: Newscom.com
And that’s why I LOVE her. She doesn’t demurely look down. She doesn’t put herself down. She holds her head high and stares you right in the eyes. She has not backed down one INCH. I hope she inspires more women to show more self confidence.
You make an excellent point about self deprecating and women. It seems to be a part of our gender psyche. Its almost a competition to see who can run themselves down the most. I know that I have been guilty of it on more than one occasion. Learning to speak positively about ourselves would be a good step on the road to female emancipation thus ending the colonization of women within western society.