How Do You Hurt?

Hurt, pain, negative emotions…these seem to all be things that people are afraid of.  We want to be happy, to enjoy life, to impress people with our optimistic perfection, and meanwhile soothe our own psyches into thinking that everything is good, or it will be if we can just control that one uncontrollable thing…

The uncontrollable thing might be a spouse, a stress, an illness, a situation, a parent…whatever.  There is that one thing that seems to thumb its nose in our faces everytime things look like they are coming into some sort of order.

And then hurt rushes in.

I don;t know how you handle hurt in your life.  Personally, as a Christian I have an undeniable trust in Jesus Christ.  Now, maybe some people call their trust unshakable but I have pretty much found that I shake pretty easily.  But after the shaking part the undeniable truth is that my trust in God remains.

But hurt? Ouch.  Even trusting that God is going to make it all o.k. eventually sometimes doesn’t take that hurt away and I have to trudge through  it and find out why I am hurting and what I need to do to experience healing.

Hurt always signifies a wound somewhere.  Emotional, physical, spiritual, it really doesn’t matter.  Hurt means that there is something that is wounded and needs time to heal.

Here is the funny thing.  We blame our spouses for our hurt much of the time when in all actuality the blow was dealt to us long before they came along.  They may tear the scab off but most of the time they didn’t create the original problem.

I have issues with trust, abandonment, and rejection.  None of those things are Marc’s fault yet he ocassionally pulls the scabs off.  And then the whole tsunami wave of my hurt that has been carefully covered up pours out like it is a wound that is festered and infected…which technically speaking it is. And in the process BOTH of us get messy.

Now, Marc doesn’t deserve to get the complete backlash from all of that hurt.  He may deserve the backlash of what he actually did…everything has consequences.  But to blindly blame him for what I have not dealt with is unfair.

The only person who can understand your hurt is you.  And you are the only one that can open up those wounds in a healthy way so that they can be healed and put in the past where they belong.  If you won’t acknowledge that they are there, or that they could be there, and start poking around looking for them…well, then you are going to constantly be acting contrary to what you want.

I used to be controlled by the fear that I was going to make a mistake, do something “bad” and be abandoned.  Even within the last few months I have dealt with that.  I kept praying about it and asking that the core of it be revealed and finally it was.  When that scap rolled back I thought I was going to die. It hurt.  But I did not have to take it out on Marc, and I did not have to take it out on my kids…I just let all of the nasties run out in my solitary tears.  I knew that the person who had caused that hurt did not mean to, and I knew that my family did not deserve the backlash.

And now, I really am not afraid of messing up and being left.

I am not perfect but I am learning to deal with my issues in a mature manner.

Hurt can be loud and scary or it can be silent and seemingly emotionless.  It is not something to be afraid of or to ignore but it is a gauge that tells you that there is a problem that needs your attention.  The only people who don’t feel pain are dead;physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Learn to release your hurt and personal anguish in a positive manner.  Journaling, prayer, painting…music…all of these are ways of expressing feelings that sometimes there are no words for.  Don’t push it down, cover it up, or take it out on others.

Learn to identify hurt, take ownership of it and be responsible for it.  And then learn to give it up.  No matter how unfair life has been it is time to get over it and move on…and not take your past into your present.

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