How to End a Relationship
November 8, 2009 by Cherie Burbach
Filed under Relationships
Breaking up might seem like an easy thing to do, but there is actually an art to do well. (Like all things in life.) The key to breaking up with someone is to do it in a manner that leaves it as positive as it can possibly be. It’s not at all easy to do. After all, many times when you break up with someone it’s because the person has cheated on you, stole from you, been dishonest, or is simply not treating you with the respect you deserve.
Despite all this, it’s important to end a relationship in a way that truly frees you from the baggage that came along with it. Sound impossible? It’s not.
Don’t Break Up in Anger
Many breakups happen in the heat of the moment, and understandably so. However, you should instead take some time and reflect back on your relationship. Perhaps when you consider things you really do want to work on them. Or, if you find that you have moved beyond this person, get yourself in a positive state and then approach them to talk. Doing so will help you to avoid saying things that are hurtful, and will leave you in a more positive place when it comes to meeting someone new.
Learn the Lesson
The people we meet usually teach us something about ourselves. So silently take a moment and appreciate what you’ve learned from that person. Then, let this person go so that when you enter a new partnership, you’re not dragging old wounds along for the ride.
Wish Them the Best
It’s difficult to wish someone the very best and mean it. If you can master this act, you will eliminate the attachment we feel when we hold anger for someone. Wishing someone a life alone and lonely only holds you back.
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Trying not to break up in anger is easier said than done in some situations. However, I do have to agree100 percent that this is something that should be done. Why bother letting a breakup make you angry?
I wish others well in a breakup. I think it’s important to put good things out there – you get what you give and all that. My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago and he’s being not very nice, but I still worry that since he lives so far from family and friends, he doesn’t have anyone to give him a hug. I know that sounds silly, but I’ve got my kids close and human touch, a close support system, it’s very important.
@Andrew: Agreed, it’s easier said than done. But like you said, why let it make you angry, especially after you know the person isn’t right for you? That anger takes away from the next relationship you have.
@Michelle: Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, and you are showing just how caring and special you are by worrying about his support system. It’s a rare person that can see through someone else’s anger to the reason behind it.
Brilliant article, Cherie. You pretty much outlined a resource for anyone who is going through the difficulty of needing to end a relationship.
Clearly, as you pointed out, a break-up is not a failure. It is merely life moving forward, life moving in new ways, changes being made. Not a failure. Still painful and definitely an ending.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience that everyone else may benefit.
Thanks for your kind words! As you said, break ups are “merely life moving forward.” Very true!