How To Heal A Broken Heart
August 30, 2008 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
A friend of mine found herself at the end of a relationship this week. She suspected that things were off and that a break-up was possibly in the near future, but when it happened, well her suspicions brought no comfort. This woman, she is really the total package, bright, funny, successful, creative, honorable, lovely, and a good friend to many. In an attempt to help my friend, I decided to do some research and if I found anything helpful, I’d share it with you. I was surprised to find that a lot of what works, well it’s just following your instincts and doing what comes natural.
Avoid your ex, if at all possible. Time and distance are going to be the surest ways to a fully healed heart, but you can’t get there if you are constantly pulling that bandaid off.
Cry if you need to cry - watch a funny movie, if you’d prefer to laugh. Movies are a great distraction. Music helps, too. When my marriage broke up, for some reason, it felt good to sing along with the sad songs. I would listen to one particular Bonnie Raitt song, “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” continuously as I drove up and down the road just outside of town, trying to get my youngest to sleep when she had colic. I was wallowing and it helped me to move to the next step of my grief. It’s healthy to allow yourself to feel bad.
Get out of town. If possible a change of venue can do wonders. Even if it’s just for an afternoon. Fill up a little cooler with sodas, grab some snacks, and take off for anywhere that’s elsewhere for awhile. Escape the memories for a time or better yet, drive to some place that holds good memories for you – memories that have nothing to do with him. Reinforce the idea that you were fine before you met him and with time you will be fine without him.
Exercise, jump on your bike and work up a sweat. It is good your heart – both your soul and the muscle that pumps your blood. If feels good to move, to do something for yourself that has nothing to do with your ex. I never feel as in charge of my life and my future as when I finish a run.
Pick up a journal to record your thoughts in, maybe doodle a bit. I have a bit of an office supply obsession and I look for any excuse to buy a new pen, pick up a new notebook. My local Barnes Barnes & Noble has a beautiful selection of journals. If you can’t find what you are looking for there, then pick up one of those old school black and white spotted composition notebooks and create your own cover by gluing wrapping paper or photos from a magazine onto it. Crafts and hobbies – now is a good time to get creative. Making something is fun and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
Pick up a good book, something that will take your mind off your break-up, maybe a mystery or something from the vampire romance genre (spicy is very distracting). Possibly something from Amazon.com which features hot new releases and is updated hourly. Or chose a book that is an old friend – for me that would be something in a Harry Potter story or To Kill A Mockingbird.
If you are into meditation, you might try the imagery suggested in How to mend a broken heart in 5 easy steps from the Urban Monk. Visualization works in many areas, the whole if you can see it, you can be it, school of thought.
How to Mend a Broken Heart from eHow.com, features a step-by-step list of what to do from day one on. I’ve never seen such an extensive, heal your heart plan and I sent it over to my friend as soon as I found it.
My last advice is to indulge in a little chocolate, but avoid too many margaritas. A hang-over does not go well with a broken heart.
Photo Credit – Michelle Smith
This is a wonderful heartwarming how to heal a broken heart article. I agree! Great tips. Strongly agree with music and chocolate (in small quantities). A dear friend of mine once sat me down in front of her television and put on her recording of the movie ‘Thorn Birds’. I cried for six hours straight and then slept like a baby for the first time in a week. From there go straight to the Funny Movies…
Give yourself time. Don’t think you need to be over it by such and such a point on the calendar. These things can not be measured in time. Grief is a process and there is no right or wrong guideline.
Michelle, you have an awesome way with healing words! Thanks for this heartwarming gift to your friend and anyone else who needs some hope after a breakup.
Thank you, GypsyOwl. I really appreciate that. I hope that my friend and anyone else who is going through a break up finds something in there that helps. Break ups are horrible.
The Thorn Birds – I remember both the book and the movie – I cried, too. My friend is a big fan of The Office – I suggested that as something funny. Michael Scott is a sort of tragic kind of funny.
You are right – you’ve got to follow your own timetable with something like this. Grief takes time.
Thanks again.
I think time heals a broken heart. Stay away from the person as much as possible. Don’t rush into a future relationship. Don’t try to force the other person to see your point of view. Do things you enjoy and bury yourself in those things. Cry as much as you need to. Take care of your sleeping, eating and health. Don’t blame yourself.
Great advice Avis Bailee. Thank you very much for responding. It’s important to make yourself feel whole and healthy again. Taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy reminds you that you had a life before him and you’ll have a life without him, as well.