How to Know When To Cut Him Out Completely

The idea of cutting an ex out of your life completely directly after breaking up is extremely painful.  Your ex could be someone who you have lived with, loved, shared your life with, cared for, sacrificed for, opened up to, relied on, and so much more.  So many elements of your relationship are special and this person became special.  But sometimes when a serious relationship ends, a complete and drastic break is the best option for both of you.

I was just reading Michelle’s article “Can You Be Friends With an Ex?” that addresses similar issues.  Everyone imagines a perfect scenario where they break up and their ex becomes their best friend and everyone lives happily ever after.  I think this idea should be completely abandoned because it is not a perfect scenario and I have never seen it achieved.  If you have loved and lost with someone, why would you want them in your life even at a friendship level?

I believe that keeping an ex in your life can be a precarious situation and if you do not have logistical reasons for maintaining contact (sharing children, splitting assets, working together, etc.) then a clean break is probably the best option.  I have heard women say “We broke up but we’re trying to be friends” so many times and I am here to tell you that it never really works.  (Readers…please comment if you disagree!)

Ask yourself these questions seriously and honestly before deciding to keep an ex in your life:

• Do I feel bad about breaking up with him? Am I trying to keep him in my life because he is sad and cutting him off would hurt him even more? (THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT!)

• Do I feel bad about him breaking up with me? Am I trying to keep him in my life because I think that a friendship could someday lead to getting back together?

• Do I want him in my life because I miss having him as my boyfriend?

• Do I want to still lean on him and talk go him about my personal problems in my life because we were close and could rely on each other when we were together?

• Is he pushing me into being friends?  Was it his idea to keep talking and hanging out?

• When we talk and spend time together, does it feel like we’re still together?

• Am I comfortable keeping him in my life only until I find a new love interest?  When I start dating someone else, will I cut him out?

• Is our friendship preventing him from dating new people?

It might seem like a lot of questions and you probably don’t want to find yourself answering “yes” to any of these because it will lead you towards the truth about cutting your ex out of your life, but please be honest with yourself so you can make the right decision for both of you.  Lying to yourself about the truth of your lingering relationship will only end up hurting both of you and delaying your ability to move forward.

I know that it is so so hard to say goodbye to someone completely and accept that their role in your life is over, but more oftentimes than not it is the right decision.

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