How to Listen to Your Chatty Child

I woke up early after a miraculously solid night’s sleep and decided to enjoy an “ohm” moment. I’m trying to relieve stress by meditating and I don’t really know what I’m doing. When I have time I’ll buy a book. Meantime, I was trying to focus on something peaceful when my son’s voice rolled into my mind with a powerful thunder. He was awake. When he wakes, he talks or sings or mumbles. But he’s always making noise. And he continues talking until evening, when sleep finally overcomes him.

Two Chatty Cathy dolls

Truman walked at the ridiculously young age of 9 months. He would babble somewhat, but he well into his 2s before he made much effort to talk. Once he started, he rarely quieted down. I learned to keep pace by chattering along with him at the grocery store or in the car, but there are times even I cannot keep up.

I heard from two other parents this weekend alone that I’m not the only one drowning in my child’s chatter. Children at this age are just natural Chatty Cathies. We, as parents, should tune in from time to time in order to ease the chatter, according to Carolyn Warnemuende, a contributor to Informed Parent, who writes, and facilitates seminars and workshops in communication skills and parenting. In her entry, “The Art of Talking with Children,” she offers these three suggestions to help parents become better listeners to their children:

1. Know that your child wants to be heard. Parents may complain that their child talks just to get attention. Children who don’t feel listened to do just that. They talk incessantly. It is an attention getting device that works. Too much talking results in parents telling the child to back off or to be quiet. When parents listen, constant talking gradually ceases. Conversations begin taking place.

2. What is important to your child may not be what is important to you. You may want to know, for example, what your youngster did at school during the day. He wants to tell you about the hamster that Andy shared during Show and Tell. Listen to the story about the hamster. Ask questions about the hamster. When you show interest in your child’s stories, he is more receptive to continuing the conversation when you ask further questions about his day.

3. Accept spaces in the conversation. Often people have difficulty with lulls in conversation. They want to fill in the quiet spaces. Recognize that a conversation is made up of talking, listening, and space. Children may need to think about what they want to say or how to answer a question. Their silence does not necessarily mean the end to the conversation. Sometimes when parents move in too quickly to fill a conversation void, the child says, “Wait. I wasn’t finished yet.” Another child may not be so assertive and will simply withdraw from further interaction.

Lull in conversation? I think I’ve experienced that before when Truman was eating. I’m trying to teach him how not to talk with his mouth full. I suppose that’s a lesson for another day.

Photo, ChattyCathyTalks