How to Write a Birth Parent Letter
As a writer I am finding this daunting because it is so personal. How can I possibly ask a woman carrying a child to place that child with our family forever?
Birth parents have the opportunity to chose the families their children are placed with forever. But writing that letter can be one of the most difficult things a husband and wife ever does.
What should go into that letter?
Well, a good letter not only describes who you are as a couple but reassures the birth parents that their child will be loved and have opportunities. We just finished our photo book (email me if you want to view it) and placed pictures of places we have traveled, what AJ experiences, the care he gets for his special needs, how we celebrate holidays and events, and who we visit and see on a daily basis. Those types of things I believe should be included in the letter.
Be empathetic. Allow the birthparents to know that you know how difficult this decision is for them.
Make sure you let the birthparents know that you care about them, not just the child, as you will have a relationship with them. Domestic adoptions are typically open adoptions now, in some way or another (from letters and pictures to visits).
The more you tell about yourself the more they will feel comfortable with you. However, there is a fine line between telling about accomplishments and bragging and talking about who you are and what your family life is like.
Make sure to also include an adoption father’s perspective in the letter. “It helps to show his interest in the birth mom and her child, and helps her feel more secure knowing that he, a man, respects her and is proud of her decision. If the husband writes the letter (and also signs his name first), it may help the birth mother feel more confident about his future role in the child’s life. This is often the very thing that she is not able to provide.”
Here is a great outline to help get you started.
We are just finishing our MAPP classes to become foster parents. We have to write a “letter to the birth parents” and “letter to the perspective child/children” coming into our care. We need help writing it. Also, we would love to view your photo book you spoke about in your article as we have to make one of these too. Thanks, Marianne
Sure. Marianne. If you leave your email in the comment post next time I can email you privately. It won’t show up to anyone but me.
I AM NEEDING HELP TO WRITE A LETTER TO A BIRTH PARENT . DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMPLE LETTERS TO HELP ME. OUR FOSTER MEETING WILL BE FINISH SOON.
I AM NEEDING HELP TO WRITE A LETTER TO A BIRTH FAMILY. DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMPLE LETTERS TO HELP ME. OUR FOSTER MEETING CLASSES WILL BE OVER SOON.
My husband and I are just starting our Photo Portfolio but we’re doing foster to adopt. Any changes you might suggest? Also should we include my husbands job in photos, he’s in the army and thats a huge part of who we are as a family. Also his unit is a large part of our extended family and they have been hugely supportive of the whole process.
Teresa,
I will try to find some sample letters for you. Sorry I have not gotten back.
Danielle, Yes, Put his job in. That is such a part of you you both are. Being in the army is a blessing because you have so much support. Just don’t put pictures of him with firearms. Mention how much it means to be part of a unit, have a family that supports one another as much as the army, to be able to support your country like that, etc.
And, even when your husband is away YOU have an army behind you…one of wives, sisters, families. You do, don’t you?
we are planing on adopting a 9 y/o from foster care she has a 12 y/o sister that the courts think they dont need to be in the same house so we are getting the 9 y/0 she has been abused by her grandmother ,mother and mothers boyfriend.my husband has retired from the government after 32 years and i have been a stay at home mother raised 3 sons ages now and grown and all married with children and they told me she didnt need to be around young children and all my grand kids are in other states and countrys so we seldom see them we have been married for 16 years both second marraige his first wife died with cancer.what and how do i write this child a letter.i have always wanted a girl to love ,cherish and teach her all i can send her to collage and right off the bat put braces on her teeth and try to get her off this adah meds they have had on on for 3 years because she lives in the house with a 75 y/o and 95y/o fosterparents .can u please help me i dont know where 2 start and have never had to do anything like this.thanks kat
i forgot to say her mother is in jail they said she would never get out and her father dont want and never even went to court to try to get them.and has told the kids he dont want them
Hi There,
I am in the same boat as the first noter, we are finishing up our MAPPS class and we have to write a letter to the birth parents, however I am finding it a little difficult considering these children (most) are coming from foster care and there is a reason they are not with their birth parents, if anyone can help me in writing this letter it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
I also need help in writing a letter to the parents and the child or children. I have tried to write these but I think they sound snobish and I do not want to come across like I am putting down the childs parents in any way. My email is bebbeling@verizon.net any imput would be appreciated.