I Am A Non-Smoker
May 19, 2007 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
I am on my fourth week of Chantix, a new smoking cessation prescription drug. If you are a smoker who has ever tried to quit you know the biggest battle can be desire.
To be honest, I didn’t WANT to quit smoking because I loved nearly everything about it. But, someone told my 5-year-old that I was going to die if I continued doing it. Then every flipping time I’d step outside for a smoke break I’d have to smoke through the sobs of my child, “Mommy, I don’t want you to die! Who will be with me when you die?”
Who can stand up to that kind of torture – or even enjoy a cigarette amidst such terrible anguish?
Then, on my Emmaus Walk retreat a few weeks ago, two of the speakers were daughters of women whose mothers had died of lung cancer from smoking. Their anger and grief was palpable. No doubt they were placed on that retreat by God to give me the message, “Ainsley will hate you and grieve intensely if you continue this nasty, selfish habit to the point where you make her watch you die.”
So, obviously, parents don’t really have a right to smoke in good conscience. Not even if they are totally addicted and love nearly everything about it.
I’ve struggled terribly with quitting though. I have tried acupuncture, nasty flavorless gum that gets stuck in my teeth, nicotine patches, sunflower seeds, Pavloving myself by snapping myself on the wrist with a rubber band, cold turkey, writing “I am not a smoker” on my wrists, self-loathing, Wellbutrin, electronic solitaire, buying only single cigarillos, prayer, faith and giving myself a ton of crap for my weakness.
Through every single method I still felt like I had angry Turrets Syndrome. It just felt awful. The whole thing – the physical withdrawal, the psychological withdrawal, the missing of my best friend (cigarettes) who had seen me through every up and down, the missing of my rebelliousness in persisting to do something bad for myself, even missing my adolescent sense of immortality – all of it made me want to freak out and bitch and moan and curse.
Chantix – say it with me, chant it, and scream it from the top of buildings – Chantix! It is literally some kind of miracle for smokers. Real smokers. Not social smokers or “can I bum a drag” smokers. But, people who derive at least part of their identity from smoking, should run to the doctor immediately and demand a prescription.
Not only am I cured of physically craving nicotine and whatever other 200 toxic chemicals are in cigarettes, but I am not morning the loss of the part of me that loves smoking. I am not thinking about cigarettes in an obsessive forlorn way. I am not thinking about them at all in fact. When I am overly stressed or bored or tired or anxious or about to have a minor freak out I am not thinking, “I need a cigarette.”
I’m not mourning my loss of smoking, my loss of freedom, my loss of my best friend or my loss of identity as a smoker. I am just going about my business as if I were always a “non-smoker.”
I am a non-smoker.
No thanks, I don’t smoke. I can seriously, for the first-time ever, see myself saying this and not falling over laughing hysterically with a smoke in my right hand.
I feel like I’ve been set free. I feel like for the first time since I was about 13 years old those shackles have been removed. I am not chained to the idea that I must always have a pack of cigarettes with me, or that I must always have $5 on me to be able to buy some. I am totally free.
Chantix retails for about $100 a month. But, my insurance actually covered it so it only cost me $50. Considering the “sin tax” on smoking a pack a day this is a total bargain! Lots of people only need it for one month. But, I am a known cheater so I’ll take it for the full recommended three months.
Seriously, if you’re like me and you’ve loved your cigarettes, but you feel like you must stop smoking. Try Chantix. It is a real life miracle drug.
And man, I smell so good now!
I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you. The $150 will be worth the money saved on cigarettes alone this year, the money saved on health insurance and life insurance, not spending the extra health bills that would be incurred from smoking, and not having your daughter become so upset. Congratulations!
may i know how much chantix costs?
wow, thanks for sharing, what an inspiration.
another question though: once you start on chantix, will you be on that prescription “forever” or is it a case-to-case basis, depending on how long you really kicked nicotine out of your system?
Thanks Karen for the support. Really, I think Dave Ramsey, http://www.daveramsey.com figured out the math and over my lifetime I will save over a MILLION dollars! WOW!
Gloria,
The prescription is for between one and three months unless you’re so addicted its psychotic. I don’t imagine anyone would take it for more than a year. So, you are NOT trading one addiction for another. Lots of people quit after taking the drug for one month. But, I have a history of quitting then justifying cheating and starting back up – so I think I’ll do it for three months.
Also it retails without insurance for about $100. It costs $150 per month to smoke a pack per day in Texas. So I’m SAVING money! Once I quit taking it I’ll never had to waste my money on cigarettes again. I’ll be rich!
If you smoke Gloria – get the Chantix and quit!
I’m sure Dave would advise you to invest the $3 a day and then you’d save a million and make a few more million to boot! lol We’ve completed baby step 1 and are almost done with baby step 2!
Thanks for letting us know about Chantix. I was able to tell someone about it today. She said she’s going to the doctor next week and she’ll ask for it.
I saw someone smoking outside a building and I almost told her about it. But, I thought maybe that would be rude – smokers get so defensive about their nasty habit. I should know. Glad you shared the word. I really am thrilled.
Hey Tracee!
Just wanted to say thanks for the advice, I’m on my 3rd day of Chantix!
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Bonnie,
You are so welcome. I know you will love it. Don’t you love being able to smoke for the first week already?
Just remember to EAT and drink big glasses of water or you’ll feel sick.
Good luck, I know you can do it!
Tracee
Karen,
Dave actually does say that. And it’s $5 a pack in Texas and over $7 a pack in NYC last I was there. Talk about insanity – paying that much money for something that stinks and will kill you.
We had to have a cigarette envelope in our budget when we first took the FPU class – really makes you face what kind of money you actually waste.
Tracee
Could any of the Chantix users let me know if there was any weight gain?
I want to quit NOW but my daughter is getting married Sept. 1st, I already have my dress and can not gain weight or it will not fit…..But I can hardly breathe anymore with my smoking habit and would love to dance at my daughters wedding and most likely could if I quit! Please let me know about weight gain…write me at ddllpn@yahoo.com Thanks!@
Today is day one for me on Chantix, and I’m thrilled to hear yet another success story. Thank you!
Maggie,
Good for you. So Proud of you! So glad to hear someone else quit! Tobacco companies better look out because if your not addicted there is NO reason to smoke! Yee Haa!
Tracee
I have been on Chantix for three weeks and I have never been able to describe how I feel through someone else’s words so clearly! You said it all! I have three children, ages 4, 7, 10 and I’m a single Mom. So the guilt of knowing if something happens to me, they’re left with no one, well..it was just too much. CONSTANT guilt, but not being able to stop no matter what the cost. And I loved loved loved smoking. Smoking had been with me through EVERYTHING, I needed to step outside every few minutes and think about things, to have my smoke. It gave me a break from being Mom. At work it gave me a break in the sunlight each day. So MANY good reasons to smoke (in my mind). But it’s exactly like she said. It’s like I just had to break the routine…that’s all Chantix required me to do. All the bitchiness, all the anger, all the “I feel the need to punch someone in the face” NEVER happened. I just chewed gum on the way to work instead of smoking, a small trigger said “you need to smoke” when I didn’t light up, but within a week it was gone. I am still having crazy dreams every night, but they aren’t bad dreams…just weird dreams, where I eat things like sticks from outside and cook naked with a chef hat. But no terror…everything has been such an easy transition. I wish Chantix had existed 10 years ago when I started smoking! Thank God it is now, it’s a real life saver, literally. I recommend it to everyone. My insurance didn’t cover Chantix, but they do cover lung cancer (ironic? yea.) so it’s costing me $124 dollars a month, for three months. WELL worth ten times that price. For the first time in 10 years I can actually breathe in fully again. It feels wonderful. =)
Yesterday makes 4 weeks for me being a non-smoker- NOT ONE PUFF! And, I too, have tried everything out there previously- cold turkey, gum, patches, zyban(wellbutrin), homeopathic remedies, acupuncture and believe it or not- taking up and playing the trombone about 7 years ago! I have smoked for 39 years now and have tried quitting for 32 of those years!!! I still have the urge(psychological) but am able to curb it without much difficulty. Because of the intense dreaming and the fact that I couldn’t tell a difference, I only take the 1mg Chantix in the morning instead of AM and PM. I plan to take it for at least 3 months. According to a recent TIMES Magazine article, it takes 3 months for the brain to respond and adapt when giving up an addiction. And trust me- if I can do it, ANYBODY CAN! It still takes willpower for me even with Chantix; however, I am doing it and it becomes easier with time.
i have been on chantix for 4 days. am feeling kind of sick, but will see it through. i have copd and i am finally realizing that it is time to quit this evil habit. loved reading your story, Tracee.
God Bless
Pat,
I just started taking Chantix this morning. Let me know how it’s going with you. Tracee’s story is great!
Enid,
It’s day 8 for me. Just started taking the 1mg twice a day. yesterday, I was really sick to my stomach and I am not sleeping very well, but I plan on seeing this through. Good luck with you!
Hi Pat,
How are you feeling? I really didn’t feel any different today, which bummed me out. I had so many cravings at work today which made me feel terrible. I’m trying to refocus tonight. There is another blog that Tracee hosts that has a ton more posts from many people – tons of inspiration. Here’s the link. I am posting there now with a few other people that have just started Chantix. Why don’t you join us?
Hope to see you there – here’s the link
http://www.blogfabulous.com/chantix
You might have to copy it into your browser – I’m not that techy
Hi Enid,
I went to the other website and it really did encourage me. We are all feeling the same things. It’s amazing. I am still smoking, but not 2 packs a day thank God. I called my doctor today becaue the sickness is really bad after my evening pill. he told me to stick with it, it will get better and to continue to smoke. This is the wildest advice ever. But I do notice that they don’t taste good anymore and 100% of all the cigs are habit only…not physical. So I need to work on that. Good Luck Enid and thanks
I am thinking about doing this drug to break and quit a 42 year old habit. I haven’t seen any negatives. Are there any? Please advise me. To the point that I have to quit.
Thanks!
Hi Anne, go for it!
I’m also a 40-some year smoker and Chantix seems to work. I went the first full month with zero cigarettes. It was easier than I thought it would be. Then I decided to limit myself to 3 per day: mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and bedtime. I’ve been doing that now for about a month. It’s nice to be in control rather than the cigs controlling me! It’s also nice on the pocketbook and eliminating all the needless, habitual smoking I did for all those years.
Has anyone else been able to go this route successfully?
Ken