I Do Not Suck

I’ve been struggling with some personal issues lately. There are some parts of my life that I do not feel satisfied with and I’ve been trying to work some of the knots out. 

About a week ago I wrote about my relationship, about how I feel disconnected and he’s grown a bit….. well, silent, basically. I’m unwilling, at this time, to let go of the relationship, but I do feel the need to do something. I can’t do anything about him, about his issues. So, I’m turning to the part of the relationship that I do have control of – me. 

I’ve been reading the book, Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert for a couple of weeks. I want it to go slowly, so I absorb as much of it as possible. It is a great book and I highly recommend it.

 Elizabeth Gilbert took a year long sabbatical after her a painful divorce. In that year, she spent 4 months in Rome, 4 months in India, and 4 months in Indonesia. So far I’ve covered Rome (eat) and most of India (pray).  I feel that I’ve learned some important lessons from Elizabeth and her adventures. 

One of these things I’ve learned from Liz’s friend Richard, from Texas. In reference to her struggle to put a failed relationship behind her he says, “You’ve gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.” He is encouraging her to give up and let something wonderful fill the hole that this failed relationship has left behind. 

Another important lesson is much like something I talked about in a post about quieting self-doubt in order to be a more attractive person back in July. Elizabeth learns to guard her thoughts against negativity: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore.” She goes on to say this to her mind:

“You may not come here anymore with your hard and abusive thoughts, with your plague of ship thoughts, with your slave ships of thoughts, with your warships of thoughts – all these will be turned away…thoughts that are filled with angry or starving exiles, with malcontents and pamphleteers, mutineers and violent assassins, …. even missionaries will be screened carefully, for sincerity, …This is a peaceful harbor, the entryway to a fine and proud island that is only now beginning to cultivate tranquillity.  If you can abide by these laws, my dear mind, then you are welcome in mind….” 

I have decided that what I need to do is to quiet the doubts that flow through my mind. If my boyfriend is shutting me out, I need to remember that’s his right, and in no way is it my fault. I will live my life the best way I know how and leave others to do the same, unless they ask for my help. I will remember that I am strong and smart and creative. That I do not suck and when that idea even begins to enter my consciousness, I will shut it out by remembering Gilbert’s wise words from above. I will do my best everyday and if I fail, I will remind myself that tomorrow is another chance to get it right.

Do you have coping skills that you apply to your life to when you encounter hard times? Do you ever struggle with self-doubt?  If you do, how do you handle it?   

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