It’s true that focusing on the negative isn’t helpful. While the media does some ridiculous things that certainly don’t help women (or men) to feel good about themselves and while the pervasive media culture is very challenging in that way… I believe that we need to reject all of that and focus on making peace with ourselves, accepting who we are, and consciously deciding to REJECT the negative sources.

For example, I have a sister who used to obsess over fashion magazines full of unhealthy skin & bones “supermodels”. My sister went on to develop anorexia and bulimia. So I am very aware of the damaging effects the media can have on impressionable young girls. It is for that reason (and others) that I don’t allow magazines like that in my house.

Can I control which magazines are at the supermarket checkout? No. Can I explain to my daughter that it’s not healthy to be stick-thin like the women on the magazine covers? Yes.

I can’t control the world or shelter my daughter from all bad influences but if she sees something potentially damaging (like the often inappropriate checkout magazines nowadays), I can let her know what I think about such pictures. I can teach her about the media’s use of airbrushing, special lighting, and professional makeup as she’s getting older so that she understands that even the cover story models/celebrities don’t look like that in real life.

I agree a conscious effort does need to be made to reject these negative media images, stop buying products with unethical marketing practices, educate children about the media, etc…

I agree it’s important to seek out and affirm all the wonderful things about oneself.

Avoiding toxic imagery is certainly helpful when possible. There is WAY too much of what you referenced: “focusing on flaws”.

We do need to work on our own mindsets as well. We’ll all been submerged in this toxic media hype that just isn’t real life and isn’t healthy.

I agree that avoiding the toxicity and shifting our mindsets does help us love ourselves and helps us in our relationships with others.

I just heard about this movie coming out called “The Women” with Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Bette Midler, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Debra Messing, etc. Diane English directed it and it’s an all-woman cast. It took about 13 years to get the films made because apparently Hollywood studios didn’t want an all-female cast. Diane English was behind the TV show “Murphy Brown”.

Anyway, you can watch a documentary about the making of “The Women” exclusively on the Dove website:

http://www.dove.com

In the U.S., the above site will re-route you to:

http://www.dove.us/

I think it’s called “The Women Behind The Women”. I watched it online on the Dove site yesterday and it’s great!! They talk about the airbrushing, the hours in makeup, and all of that sort of stuff in the documentary. It’s great stuff!

Jeanne

A conscious effort to seek out and affirm all the wonderful things about yourself is one part of the healing process. Another is to avoid the toxic imagery and messages that plague us everyday from all sides. Commercials, ads, tv shows, Hollywood, diets, family, cultural/societal expectations, and even health professionals: all of these things play a role in the unhealthy fixation on our supposed flaws. If we start to screen those influences out, as well as work on our own mindsets from within, we will begin to see a shift towards a better relationship with ourselves, and by extension, with others.

Tracee starts such insightful conversations.

Have a great weekend!!

Jeanne

That’s great that you aren’t feeling bad about gaining the weight during pregnancy. It’s also great that you are so fit.

It’s also great that you are actively avoiding falling into the obesity and diabetes that runs in your family. I’m so sorry about your mom (and others relatives)!

My mom has Type 2 diabetes so I understand your concerns.

I totally understand your point.

It’s great that you have a plan for losing your pregnancy weight in a healthy way.

Have a great day!

Jeanne

Thanks for your advice. For now, my pregnancy weight doesn’t bother me at all. I didn’t mean to imply that I negative feelings about gaining weight. (Except when I’m straining to get up the stairs, maybe!) I was just surprised by how much I gained.

Prior to getting pregnant, I was a health and fitness nut pretty much. I’ve exercised for years and years and always maintained healthy eating habits.

It’s going to take a while for me to go back to that level of cardiovascular fitness, but I know that it’s going to be fairly easy to get back down to to size even if I just start out initially by walking and eating healthy.

While there are lingering effects of pregnancy, one of them is not going to be my carrying around extra pounds. I know the pounds are going to melt off and I am very excited it. I’ve seen other really fit friends do it after pregnancy and I think it is based on how fit a person was before.

I am so happy about having a baby. But at the same time I don’t want to lose “me”. And one thing that is important to me is being slim and healthy. That might sound strange but my mom died of uncontrolled diabetes and so have several people in her extended family. She and they were all very obese. Obesity does run in my family I suppose, but it is so preventable.

I also have to say… being slim is wonderful. It makes life so much easier and more fun in several ways. And I’m not talking about model-skinny; that’s genetic and/or achieved by starving yourself which in my mind would be misery.

Being fit and healthy is really a non-negotiable for me. Once I do get back into my prepregnancy clothes, I’m going to really appreciate the shape of my body more than I did before, I guess is the point I was trying to make.

Bodies change. I gained 42 pounds during pregnancy myself. My daughter was a healthy 9 lb. baby and that was all that mattered to me.

I have clothes I’ll never wear again. No matter. It’s what’s inside that counts.

Besides, better to have gained some weight than to lose it in an UNhealthy way.

After my daughter was born, I became gravely ill and lost 35 of that 42 pounds in just a week’s time! I was VERY sick!

My metabolism then got totally out of whack. I ended up gaining some after that. That was actually a good thing because losing 35 pounds in a week in NOT (!!!) healthy and I needed more weight/strength at that point.

Accept yourself for who you are. Who cares if your “regular sized” pants are too small??

If you are meant to lose any weight ***IN A HEALTHY WAY***….. ***NOT*** BY CRASH DIETS, you can always choose to pursue that option.

Respected program that incorporate a balanced ‘diet’ and exercise (like hiring a nutritionist, going to Weight Watchers, exercising…) are the best way to go IF you elect to lose weight.

Or make peace with your new body. Check with your primary doctor to see if your weight is putting you at additional risk for things like heart disease. Crash diets are BAD NEWS, though!!

One way or another, DON’T beat yourself up about your weight. If anything, harboring those negative feelings will be likely to result in weight GAIN.

Accept yourself and feel peace and serenity!

Take care,

Jeanne