I haven’t a clue how to diet
December 12, 2008 by angelique
Filed under Women's Health
You know what? I have no clue how to diet. (Which is probably good because I’m not trying to actively lose weight anyway.)
It’s funny, because I’m sure that plenty of people would assume individuals who have experienced eating disorders must be very good at dieting. But truly, I’m not. And I’m willing to bet that I’m not alone.
I’m very good at restricting and starving, but not dieting. I’m also good at self-loathing to the point where I don’t allow myself to eat, but not dieting. And I’m good at becoming so depressed that eating seems ridiculous, but not dieting.
See, I’ve never been on a “diet”, per se. I’ve never joined Weight Waters or Jenny Craig and I’ve never really fastidiously ensured that I ate balanced meals throughout the day. Sure, I’ve counted calories, but not in an “I’m going to lose the baby weight” manner; for me, counting calories was an obsession. Basically, calories were “the enemy”. Heck, my body was the enemy.
When I first began my spiral into anorexia, I was actually quite chubby. However, I didn’t strategically set out to lose weight–I just stopped eating one summer. Boom. Simple as that. No dieting. Just pure, unadulterated starvation.
Of course, I know that I couldn’t even ever attempt a diet, nor should I. I know darn well it would trigger ana. I mean, if I lost 10 pounds, why not 15? Why not 20? This might sound crazy, but I can’t understand how and when dieters know how to stop losing weight! I could never set a goal weight and then just be happy I reached it; I’d have to go lower and lower… and it still wouldn’t satisfy me.
What got me thinking about diets? I guess all the talk about Oprah Winfrey’s weight gain and Rachel Zoe’s much ballyhooed weight loss could have contributed. And I’m sure that in January all we’ll hear about are “fast fixes” to drop pounds. So I guess the word “diet” is in my subconscious.
So tell me–would you know a true “diet” if it hit you over the head? Or do diets confound you, too?
haha- thats knd of fu. but if you think about it- not very many people do kow how to diet because diets never work!
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
I was talking with a friend once a while ago about why I don’t think my weight is a good weight and she asked me what would make me happy to be at and I said “1 pound less than before” and we had a good talk about how messed up that kind of goal is. But that’s just the way our minds work with this kind of sickness.
That’s the scary thing with ed’s. My Dec. 31st GAINING GW was once my LGW…and it terrifies me. ED’s are very destructive mental illnesses. When will insurance companies, families, and anyone w/o one understand?
yeah I’m very tall and my before ed weight was at the very low end of normal, and my “ultimate goal weight” jumped literally 25 pounds from the time I started to when I was at my lowest…It’s scary how much this kinda disease can make “one more pound” seem like it’s worth it, so miniscule but so much in our heads…every little bit counts.
Jessica, so true. Iv’e been ‘arguing’ with 1 pound for oh, almost 2 months now.
I don’t think I’m very good at dieting, because it’s supposed to be a kind of gradual process, where you’re happy to lose 1 or 2 lbs a week. I would have a hard time being happy with that knowing that I could starve and lose much faster (even though a lot of it would be muscle and water, hey, at least the number on the scale is going down…)