I Think He’s Just Not That Into Her
April 16, 2009 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
If you are a former reader of Dating Dames, then you might know a bit about my ex-boyfriend.
He is currently back with his ex, who is the mother of his youngest child. They were split for a long time, most of two years, unless of course, they were not and he just said that they were. I would not have known the difference – we live in different states and he was the one who traveled to visit me.
He has her listed as “complicated” on Facebook. Not “in a relationship with.” Just “complicated.” I think that sucks. Either do it or don’t. Doesn’t she deserve that?
I spent almost a year of our relationship waiting on him. He’d disappear every once in awhile, then come back and be fine. It was confusing and depressing and I think I drove everyone who loves me crazy by putting up with him.
I recently read the book, He’s Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.
I read it at a point when I had not heard from him for a few months. I wanted to let go, but for some weird reason, I could not. The book opened my eyes.
It’s very simple really. If he does not call you, he’s not into you. If he does not pursue you, he’s not into you. If you have to make excuses for him, he’s not into you. If you have to put any sort of extra effort in and he does not immediately fall all over you, then he is not into you. If he says, “it’s complicated,” then he’s not into you.
I wish that the book was required ready for all women, everywhere. I found it that helpful. And there’s this sense of peace in knowing that yeah, it really IS him and he’s a bit of a jerk. Well, actually, to use my ex-boyfriend’s own words when finally apologizing for his behavior, he’s “a creep.”
If you or anyone you know is in love with a man who is rude or absent or just plain destructive to a woman’s soul, then read this book, because if a man is into you, he’s not going to hurt you. He is going to move heaven and Earth to be with you and you will definitely be sure of his feelings.
Image credit: Barnes and Noble.com
My ex-husband is one of the greatest sources of advice for me. One day a couple years ago I was telling him how I was so confused about what some guy was doing and he said, “Stop right there. If you ever have to begin a conversation with ‘I’m confused about [insert any name here]‘, then you have your answer. A man who is truly interested in you will never leave you confused about how he feels.” It’s stuck with me since he said that, and goes along with the He’s Not That Into You mentality perfectly. I try my hardest to follow this now….try being the key word
First, I want to say that I think it’s great that you and your ex-husband are able to remain friends. That is wonderful.
Second, I totally agree with him. It’s hard to change your way of thinking. All you can do is try. I think when it’s right, when the one who really IS into you finds you, you are going to know. It sounds lame, I know, but it’s the truth.