If A Relationship Is Meant To Be….
March 22, 2009 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
Lately, my ex has been sending me messages through Facebook. Originally, I accepted his request to be “friends,” but canceled it a day or so later. He’s not a friend. A friend would not have treated me with so little respect and kindness.
I think that his messages are an attempt to see where we stand, if I’m still open to …….whatever he’s planning to dish out this next go ’round. I’m not open to anything.
Well, okay, that’s not totally accurate, because if he did make some grand gesture like moving to my town, I’d be open to at least listening to him, but since that’s not going to happen, then I’m back to my original decision – closed, not open.
This last message told me that he’s been speaking to a mutual friend from our past (actually more of an old boyfriend on my side). He said that he told this friend about my kids – their names, ages – about my work, my writing, “you know…. little stuff.” My family, my work, my entire life – he considers that “little stuff.” He is a dumb ass and obviously does not get the distinction between what does and does not matter, what is and is not little stuff.
For so long, I thought he was The One That Got Away. Now I realize that things happened just the way that they were supposed to. He came along at a time when I wanted to begin dating again, but was just so scared. Due to our shared past – he was my first love in high school – I felt like I had a safe place to learn how to be in love again. When I look at it that way, our relationship did just what it was supposed to do, just what it did when we were kids, it taught me about being a partner, it reminded me what I have to offer.
I found this today, for The Relationship Column, by Dr. Jeffery Low and I think it explains what I’m trying to say …
If a relationship is meant to be, it will be. If someone is truly “the one,” then you can’t ruin it. The two of you will simply love each other through whatever arises, and work out the problems. If it ends, then that’s what was meant to be. Just because you are very attracted to someone, or think they’re the one for you, doesn’t mean it will work out. Healthy, positive relationships can last a week, a year, ten years, or a lifetime. The value of a relationship is not measured by time, but by the love, joy and learning generated while it lasts.
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Image credit: Michelle Smith
It’s good that you canceled his request on facebook because he would be able to see when you are online. Why would you want someone who treated you poorly to be able to keep tabs of your online activity?
I find it interesting when women portay men as terrible jerks when they knew what they were getting into the whole time. Let’s say for example that the woman knew the guy was in a relationship up front and consented to getting involved anyway. Is it really all his fault? Really? Come on!
Jill, what you are saying does not apply to me. I got involved with someone who said he was single. He was newly single, but he was single. He led me to believe that we were in an exclusive committed relationship for a year and a half. I had no reason not to believe him. He spent time with me and my family, I met his kids, I had no reason to believe that we were not working toward a future together, as he was promising. I found out not very long after this post went up that he was seeing me and another woman, the woman he told me was his ex, almost the entire time. I would never carry on a relationship with a man who was involved with someone else. That would mean that I was part of a cheating relationship and I am no cheater.