If The Shoe Fits
January 15, 2009 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
It was brought to my attention years ago that I was exhibiting this trait. Having discovered what it was for me today I can, on occasion, believe I see it in others. I can be wrong… 
“The term martyr (Greek μάρτυς martys “witness”) is most commonly used today to describe an individual who sacrifices his or her life (or personal freedom) in order to further a cause or belief for many. Long ago, it initially signified a witness in the forensic sense, a person called to bear witness in legal proceedings. With this meaning it was used in the secular sphere as well as in both the Old Testament and the New Testament of the Bible.[1] The process of bearing witness was not intended to lead to the death of the witness, although it is known from ancient writers (e.g. Josephus) that witnesses, especially of the lower classes, were tortured routinely before being interrogated as a means of forcing them to disclose the truth. During the early Christian centuries the term acquired the extended meaning of a believer who is called to witness for his or her religious belief and on account of this witness endures suffering and death. In the English language, the term is a loanword, and often used with the extended meaning of someone who has been killed for his religious belief. The death of a martyr or the value attributed to it is called martyrdom.”
Not only do those who exhibit this “self-deserved” suffering not wear the cross well they also seem to have a need to require others to wear it. Why am I saying that? It was my experience yesterday to have made a mistake during an effort to help a friend find a rehab. I’ve spoken to those I needed to about the level of this mistake I made and it was pointed out that the God we understand used me as an instrument to expose a lie. I hadn’t planned on doing that but I’m happy today it worked out that way.
Yet another friend, his spouse, found it most necessary to vilify me due to my mistake. Thanks to the Twelve Steps I am more than willing to admit mistakes when I make them. Rick helped me understand that I needed to make mistakes to learn how to live life the right way. I thought I was more than contrite and admitted this error in judgment to her but the level of anger cast in my direction didn’t subside until I had apologized again.
And it felt as if I’d have to do it again…
No – that’s not the way it works.
BTW, when we allow ourselves to be placed (and remain) in a situation where we suffer needlessly, where we can remove ourselves and refuse to for whatever reason we proclaim, we foster our own suffering. We are being a “victim” and the longer we stay in it eventually we become martyrs. That is what I did when I was told to “come down off the cross, we need the wood.”
