I’m Not Looking For A Teddy Bear
February 13, 2009 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
I’m writing this on my sister’s computer.
I’m down visiting my sister’s family and for some reason we can’t get my computer to recognize the internet connection here. I’m such a creature of habit and using someone else’s computer feels like I’m trying to type with my ear or something.
I’ve been chatting with someone on Plenty of Fish this week. He seems like a nice guy and his picture is cute. My friend noticed that he is “seperated,” not divorced or single. I don’t know how I missed that and usually that’s a no, in my book. Anyone who has every been through a divorce knows what a crazy time that can be. I think I’m going to keep chatting, see what happens. He’s funny and he’s a decent speller. For some reason, that’s my current criteria.
Do you use online dating? If you do, what is your online dating criteria? Do you prefer never married? Divorced? With kids? Without? I usually pick divorced, with kids, pictures showing a love for the outdoors
Another thing I keep in mind is the wording that people use. I have a problem with some words or phrases, sort of instant turn-offs. For example, I’d like to meet someone who enjoys cuddling, but anybody who calls themself “cuddily,” or “a teddy bear,” well it is kind of creepy. I don’t want a teddy bear. I want a man.
How about you? Do you have certain “code” words that turn you off?
I’ve done the online thing plenty and separated is an auto-no for me. For one – it’s not over yet and I’m not looking to get emotional about someone who technically isn’t available yet. Second – I’m looking for something serious, not casual. Most men who are newly separated aren’t looking to settle down again right away. And last – with the risk of sounding judgmental – I have to wonder about someone who is trying to form relationships when the one they’re in has just ended. Yes, divorce can take a few years in some cases and many are years in the making. I just see the value in taking some time off from that whole thing (dating, relationships) when something as serious as a marriage has ended.
My deal-breakers in dating profiles – any mention of cuddling at all, the teddy bear thing!! amen to that one!!, “looking for friends” (ha!), a mention of nice guys finishing last or the use of the profile to lecture women on being too hard on men/too picky/anything really.
I don’t think that sounds judgemental – I think it sounds smart. I think I’ll ask how long he’s been seperated.
The lecture thing – I always wonder what those guys are thinking. Who wants to take on an angry man?
the ‘code’ that i got from a girl and instantly turn me off is…’you know im hot,many guys like me’ sort of talking…
i mean,even if shes hot,if she doesnt say it,she’ll be much more hotter.
I’ve dated online and will probably continue to do so since a recent relationship just ended.
Anyway, I only accept men who are single or divorced, no kids. Ditto what the others said about men who are separated, and I also don’t really want to take on the responsibility of being a step-mom. Since I’m coming into the relationship child-free, I’d like to find a guy who’s the same.
My instant turn-offs include men who just want a “fun,” “hot,” or “sexy” girl to “party” with, seem to think they’re God’s gift to women, and can’t string two grammatically correct sentences together. I also look for guys I can share common interests with, so I eliminate a lot of the typical “manly men” who seem more interested in cars and football than in good conversation, music, film, politics, science, and other more intellectual pursuits.